Dear Mom .....

So mom .... I got married. A couple of years after this picture of you and I was taken. You would love him. His name is Russ and no, I did not meet him on the internet! A mutual friend introduced us. He is a kind and good man. He loves Jesus, our family, my close friends and, yes, even my newest dog, Jack. I have no doubt he would dote on you! He is really good to me, and for that I know you are happy.

By the way, I think you'd love Jack too. He'd sit on your lap for hours! Unlike my other two!

I always thought one day that you would make my wedding dress, like we had talked about. Somewhere along the line we stopped talking about it! LOL ..... not wanting to say out loud that we thought "it" might never happen. I'm glad at least that you were able to make Kari's. I think you would have been surprised at the dress I picked out! haha...I'd love to have heard your comments! It was nothing I ever imagined or wanted in a dress. Knowing you, you would have known right away that it was the one.

Our wedding was outside. You remember Kirsten ... it was at her parents old house and it was beautiful. I don't know how much God allows you to see of our human lives down here, but I choose to believe that He allowed you to be a witness on that day. Oh how I wish you were there ... but I had some other "moms" there for you. Peggy, Kirsten's mom and Beth's mom. It took three to represent you!

Dad is doing ok, but never the same since you went to heaven. He's suffering from dementia now too, sometimes not remembering who I am. Scott and Kari are taking GREAT care of him, following his example of caring for you. He will be ok. We are, and will, do our best for him. I had Scott and the boys give me away for you and dad. It was one of my favorite moments walking with all of them! You would be so proud of them. They are becoming such great men. Well, Deacon's only 12, but you know! : ) Lily is sweet and a rough and tumble, girly girl. You would LOVE spending time with her and teaching her to sew and make things.

Anyway, back to the wedding ... it was just all family and close friends, about 100 people, which was perfect. Kirsten was my MOH and Lily my junior bridesmaid. I don't know what I would have done without Kir. She spent the week with me and did all the things we would have done and more. She was my wedding planner, cake decorator, organizer, list maker, packer, kept me sane and everyone on the same page. Couldn't have a better best friend.

It was a worshipful time and I thought of you a lot during it. Dad, Scott and Kari came up and prayed with us and that is when I most felt your absence.

I could have really used all those times you wanted to teach me how to cook and can! I'm sure you are having a good chuckle up there at my attempts right now! But they have these things now like waffle and bread makers ... and google where I can get any recipe I need ... and a crockpot! But ... I have your box of recipe's and your Betty Crocker cookbook that is falling apart. I still tend to put all my laundry in the same load instead of separating by colors, etc. but I am working on that : )

and this boy .....

... is a freshman in college this year! Can you believe it! I remember the day they brought him home! What a cute little guy, who is now growing up to be an amazing guy who loves the Lord.

Doing my best (with God's help) to make you proud. I love and miss you mom.

What you don't know when you move ....

..... or get married.

So here's the thing: I have moved numerous times in my life. Each time I have to do all of the same things. It never gets easier, nor do I remember how awful it really is.

I also think:  NO WOMAN CAME UP WITH THIS SYSTEM! There should be ONE place to go in order to change your last name on EVERYTHING! But noooooooo .......... so let's just make a list for fun.

1. SS office
2.Credit cards
3. License
4. Any place where you have any card with your last name on it.
5. Passport
6. Optional:  email addresses
7. Title to your car or  loan

I'm sure there are others I am not even aware of yet. But if this isn't enough, we also have to .........

8. Find a new hairdresser - which, by the way, is the MOST traumatic thing to do.
9. Find a new primary care doc - release forms, new forms .... FORMS!
10. Other pertinent docs by gender - yeah, I said it.
11. Bank
12. Dentist
13. Pharmacy - giving ALL your new information
14. Eye doc
15. Find the DMV - or whatever your new state has decided to call it.
16. Find a new Vet
17. Find the closest Post Office

Oh ..... and most important: the closest Kohls, ice cream shop, Chick-Fil-A and mall.

THAT.IS.ALL.

Is God all we really need?

..... and if so, then why did He create us to need and desire relationships?

I have argued against this idea all of my adult life. I have also never understood it. Some of that is in how I am wired and some is just that I didn't get it. My mind could not fathom that God, whom I can't see or communicate with like a human, was all I needed. 

We are made to need and crave relationships and community. Proverbs talks a lot about friendships and the benefits of them. Ecclesiastes talks about a cord of three not easily broken. Jesus "needed" His disciples to pray with Him. We NEED others ... God has designed that. I think we compare the two ideas and they can't be compared. My relationships aren't God and He isn't like my human relationships.

It has always bugged me when people would say, God is all they need. I look at their lives and think, no kidding sherlock.....you have a home, husband, family, great job, money and friends (maybe not ALL of those things at once, but you get my point). Of course with those things you can say that.

Then I started, over the last 10 years, really getting to know God better. At the same time, developing sweet, godly friendships ..... and more recently, just got married. I can NOW say:  I GET IT BETTER. Don't get me wrong.....I am so thankful for the friendships I have and my new husband.

But I now get it ..... better ..... it is still a work in progress. However, I can't IMAGINE right now NOT having Jesus. Ultimately He knows everything about me, knows what I need, how I feel, my struggles and He will never fail me. I have what I thought would be the final thing that would make me happy and "complete" - a man. (don't get me wrong, he is great!) Only God completes us though, only God truly makes us happy and fulfilled. Only God is completely faithful.

I can't really explain it other then it is the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. It only has taken 30 plus years to click! I am a slow learner, what can I say?

God is all I need. I GET to have other things: a husband, a best friend, a home, family, other friends. BUT, He is all I really need.

Seeesters

 .... not by blood, but by the blood of Jesus.

The last month has been a whirlwind of emotions and activities. From an annual vacation with girlfriends in MI ... to packing a house and selling it ... to getting married and moving.  All things that this girl who likes her "sameness", both enjoyed and didn't. Most people don't like change and this girl is NO exception. 

One thing that has remained steady is the life-long, enduring relationships with these women. We have all been through A LOT of changes in the past two years. In fact, now all of us are in different locations, figuring out new normal's and working on new friendships but also being intentional about maintaining these. Hard stuff.

Not making any applications in this blog. Just being honest about all of the hard changes that will take time to work through; all the new normal's that will take time to form; all while trying to be what God wants us to be as Christ-followers.

I love these woman and I miss them in my every day life. Here's to new norms with you guys ... and working on starting a new annual tradition of meeting up each summer. Intentionality ....