Fears and Voices

My Church is doing a series on "How to Be Brave" - pushing back and overcoming our fears. This has been a lifeline struggle for me. One would think that with how competitive I am that I would not allow fears and negative voices keep me from pushing through. 

Courage comes from the battle within our minds. We get weighed down by our thoughts and by the lies we believe. Believing lies is something I have fought my entire life. I have talked often about speaking truth and how that is something I have been learning to do in these last 10 years. Some seasons are harder than others to fight off those demons of lies. 

So, let's talk about the Isrealites. God PROMISED He would lead them to, and give them, the Promised Land. Moses sent 12 spies to go into the land to scope it out and to come back with a plan to go in and take the land. He asked them very specific questions about the land. So in they went and for 40 days they sought answers to those questions.

We know the story, however I have never thought about it in these terms before. They were going to have to go in and fight, but God said He would give the land to them. OK, so just go in and take it, right? What's the problem?

Voices.......voices were the problem. 10 of the spies came back and talked all about how big and strong and fortified the people and land were. They spread fear and a negative report around the camp. So much so that the people of Israel wept and said that it would be better to go back to Egypt and be under the tyranny they had lived under before. Ironic - they cried for a leader to deliver them from Egypt and now they were crying for a leader to take them back. Why? I guess they at least knew what to expect. Their fear paralyzed them. 

Joshua and Caleb saw the same things as the other 10. They saw the problems and challenges, but they also the power and promises of God. "He will lead us.....He will give it to us ....". Perspective was the difference. Because the people listened to the voices of the 10, that generation never saw the Promised Land and wandered for the next 40 years in the wilderness. 

We listen to three voices: those around us (technology), those along side of us (relationships), and those behind us (from our past).  I am challenged, with all the technology around us, to limit how much I am on my phone, watching TV, etc. I have some great relationships around me that speak truth and hope, pray for me and call me on the carpet when needed. I have also eliminated some relationships that did the opposite of that.

The voices I struggle with most are those behind me. "Your a jock; you aren't feminine enough; you are smart enough",  ..... and others I won't share. I am fighting lies of a marriage that destroyed my confidence in a lot ways. I am trying to turn up the voice of God who has promised me/us a lot of things in His word. 

What has God promised you/me? What has He told us to do? IF He promises to lead us, be with us, take care of us, etc. then what is holding us/me back?  

Courage

"There is an Eagle in me that wants to sore, but a hippo in me that wants to wallow in the mud" Carl Sandburg

I'm trying to stop wallowing. I am trying to remember whose I am - I am a Child of God.

A Father's Dream

Today was the first day of a new responsibility for me. It was also the start of one of my dad's dreams ... to have his children, or at least one of them, back at CSU, as Director of Athletics. I think he thought it would be my brother, but alas, right now its the girl! It seems weird and unreal, but here we are. 

I'm not really worthy to follow in my dad's steps. He is an amazing man. Here are some areas that I fall short of my dad's ....

1. Knowing names - my dad remembered everyone he met! That is no lie or exaggeration. He knew you by name and he didn't forget you. I can barely remember my immediate families names!

2. Directions - in no way do I have my father's gift of directional abilities. I am, as they say, directional challenged. My dad would call to check on me if I was driving to visit he and my mom and ask what mile marker I was at! He could tell by that number where I was..... just sick!

3. His ability to make you feel like you were the most important person on earth. If I like you, I can probably make you feel that way!

4. His organizational skills were second to none. For basketball camp he had a massive notebook detailing every minute of the week, every drill and breakdown of those drills. I, on the other hand, have a piece of paper for each day! 

5. My dad's gift of encouragement was killer too. He could make the worst player think they could dunk the ball, even if they couldn't walk and dribble at the same time. 

Here is what I do have - my dad's love of college students, using athletics to build relationships, and his last name. We are getting to a time where the name isn't as recognizable as it once was. So I build on it. I take what I learned from my dad, put my own spin, personality and gifts to it and carry on the family name and the family job. While the gym is named for my dad, I get to coach in it. I also get to make decisions on redesigning it. That's cool.  

So in some ways, my dad's legacy lives on. His kid is the Interim AD at the place he loved. While he no longer has his steel-trapped mind, one day he will know and be proud.

By the way, I also have my dad's uncanny musical ability....and by that I mean it's so uncanny that I can #singall4parts ..... at the same time.