It's Not Suppose To Be This Way

Dear Dad,

I remember the moment God took you to Heaven. It was in the very early hours of the morning as Scott and I sat by your bed, holding your hands, as we watched the life leave your eyes. We knew at that very second you were no longer with us, but with the two loves of your life: Jesus & Mom. Your heart still beat for a little while longer, but it too eventually came to a slow and gentle stop. What a heart-breaking/wrenching, life-altering moment for us. What a life-healing, eternity changing moment for you.

In some ways, it seems like a long time ago. But at other times, it feels like yesterday. Gosh, we miss you so much. Your kindness, loyalty, your smile when you'd see us, how your face shined with love when you talked about mom, your example of how to care for those you love, your love and example of how to live for Jesus, and your encouragement. I even miss that dang story you told hundreds of times after mom died! : )

Scott, Steve, and I are ok. We still grieve you and mom, laugh about habits you had or things you guys did, cry because you are gone. Its been a really hard year and we sure could have used your advice and never-ending encouragement and positive outlook on life. But, we have that example to follow now.

We could not have asked for better parents. You weren't perfect - LOL - but you were ours and we are taking what you have taught us and hopefully continuing the legacy of loving God, loving others, humbly serving, while we wait to see you both again.

Today is another one of those "it shouldn't be this way", milestones or anniversaries. But I/we have the hope and assurance that we will see you and mom again because of Jesus. Until then ....

It shouldn't be this way, but because it is right now, we live in hope and anticipation of God making all right again when He comes back.

I love you.

"Your Words Were in the Driving"

Quite a few years ago I began to understand what true Christian community was. My only real experience up until then was a community of people who acted like they had their stuff together and never really lived messy lives together. I heard a lot of "preaching" but not a lot of authenticity.

I began a friendship where this friend became, "Jesus with skin on", to me. Someone who was not afraid to get in the messiness of where I was at and do life alongside me. Someone who was honest and authentic and didn't pretend they had everything together. This set the tone for me to then experience more relationships like this.

I have a group of 6 girlfriends, who at one time, did life together in the same location. We are now all over the place. But we have committed to encourage, pray for each other, and get together on a regular basis (as much as that is possible). There is nothing like being able to be honest with each other, share our stuff, and pray for each other and sometimes all together when we are able. There is no pretending in our group. We hold each other accountable for things. So much so that sometimes I want to tell them to stop! : )

Two weeks ago I had another friend, not of this group, call me and say they needed me. So I went down South to see her, encourage and just hang out with her. As I was sharing with someone where I was going, I told them I didn't know how much I helped, as I just mostly listened. My friend's words back to me have been in my mind a lot lately, "your words were in your driving".  To me, this was profound. I often think I have to have the right words to say, or think I am not the most eloquent person around. I tend to compare myself with others that I think are wise and always say the right things.

But here's the thing.....people don't need us to always say something. Most of the time, they just want to know that someone will be there when they need them, or that they will listen. You can tell me all the right things, but if you aren't willing to get into the mess with me, then your words don't mean much. I would much rather you sit with me and listen, or just be there. We have all heard that actions speak louder than words. It's true.

Who needs you to be Jesus with skin on? Who needs your words to be in your driving? Until we are willing to get involved in each other's lives and do messy, we will not experience true and authentic Christian community.

Parents - a precious gift.

I have not written anything in quite a while, but I have had some topics and thoughts simmering in my brain for some time now. 

As a young kid, time is something you think you have a lot of. We don't think about getting old or for that fact, our parents getting old. We know they are. We can see the grey hair, the slower steps, and the aging their bodies endure. Yet, somehow, we think they are invincible and will live forever. 

I never really thought about life without my parents. In some weird way, I just never thought it would happen. I know that sounds ridiculous. I probably just lived in denial of it ever happening. But we grow up feeling like our parents are always going to be around. I did. I certainly did not expect my mom to die as soon as she did. I thought another 10-15 years for sure. She was always so healthy. But diseases are no respecter of persons. 

In some ways, my brothers and I lost both of our parents the day mom died. But, dad was still there. Even if I couldn't have the same kinds of conversations with him, he was still there, physically as strong as ever. The man who provided for and protected our family. He was always such a strong man with an even stronger faith and trust in God. 

The moment he passed away I fell into my brother's arms sobbing and what came out of my mouth was, 'we no longer have any parents and are alone now'. He kept telling me it was going to be ok. He's right. We are ok and we have our family. But things have changed. There is security in knowing you have your parents there for you. There are safety and unconditional love. There is help or advice on the other end of the phone. They are your parents and there is a deep sense of loss when they are both gone. Geez I miss them terribly ... and it was so hard to watch them both die ... at the same time it was an honor for my brother and me to be there both times to usher them from life to death - from death to life - with Jesus forever. It is something no one can explain until you experience it, and it will be a different experience for each of us. Sacred, none-the-less.

Parents are a blessing. They are to be treasured and loved. They are to be respected and obeyed. They aren't perfect by any means. Neither are we, their children. But they are God's blessing to us. We are to care for them in their old age, honor them and hold them in high esteem. Consider it a blessing to be able to care for them in their declining years.

They are gone. They are in my heart. I will see them again one day. 

Treasure your parents - take time with them. Sit with them. Listen to them. Because one day you won't be able to.

Yes, a more mellow post, but a real-life one. 

Dad was given another stone to honor his military service.

Faith or Sight

If we think we have any control over our lives, we have only to look at the weather lately to dismiss that thought entirely. My family has missed 8 days of school in the last 10, all for various weather issues. First it was snow, then cold temps, and the latest was due to ice. The crazy thing? In the midst of those weather patterns, there were temps of 45 degrees, sun and rain for a few days. Only God could have done that.

Let's be honest, we all think we control our lives, at least to some degree. And to clear, there are some things that we do control. We control decisions we make, attitudes we have, places we go, whether we eat out or cook at home, whether we go shopping and spend money or not. There are a lot of things that we "control". Ultimately, however, we really don't control much of anything. God does, as is His right. After all, we are HIS creation.

In reading through Genesis, I came to the part where Abram and Lot went separate ways as the land could not hold them both. God promised Abram a land that He would show him and that He would make him into a great nation. What did Abram do? He packed up and left and just started walking. He had no idea where this land was.

When it came time to part ways with Lot, Abram gave him the first choice of where to live. Lot chose the best and Abram had what was left over. He allowed Lot to take the best because his faith said that God was in control and had made promises to him. 

Two men. Two perspectives. Two faiths.

Abram - walked by faith - offers selflessly - worships God in the midst.

Lot - chose by sight - chose selfishly - no evidence that he worshiped God during this time. 

Results: God fulfilled His promise to Abram and made him into a great nation. Lot was drawn into the wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah. 

I also think that there is a key in this story, and that is that Abram worshipped God in all of this. You can see him building alters to God a few times and worshipping. 

Worship while we wait. Walk by faith. Walk in trust of the One who controls everything.

I would really like for the warmth of summer to come quickly!!!

Strangers on this Earth

"And even when he reached the land God had promised him, he lived there by faith - for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God." Heb. 11:9-10

Six years ago today my mom passed away from Parkinson's disease, unable in her last months and weeks to talk, walk by herself, and in the end, unable to respond at all. She became unresponsive at home and ended up in the hospital with us having to make the decision to let God take her home. My dad also just passed away last month.

As you watch those you love, age and die, you realize this is not how God designed life to be. This was not what He intended when He created the earth and man. The Garden of Eden is what He planned. Where food was in abundance, where God walked in the Garden with Adam and Eve, and where there were no tears or death. Until .....

There was a time in my life where I didn't really think about that. Life on earth was pretty good, I had jobs, stuff and lots of friends and family. I even thought when/if I finally got married, all would be well. That those things would satisfy the desires of my heart.

I've learned just the opposite. None of those things met my, nor will they meet your deepest heart's desires. Only God can. I still don't completely understand that humanly speaking. But God's Word speaks of it, talking about how we are strangers on this earth....foreigners. A foreigner is someone who does not belong to a particular place; someone born from a country other than their own.

As a follower of Jesus, Heaven is my home. One day I/we, will live in a world where things will be as God intended - perfect. No tears, no pain, no death, no hate, none of the things we are currently experiencing on this earth. Yes, there are some good things on earth....working good jobs, good friends, good marriages, etc. and those are a small picture of what it will be like in Heaven one day.

In the meantime, we live in an imperfect world, trying to live like Jesus wants us to - loving God and loving others. We enjoy friends and family. We love our jobs. We enjoy eating good food, laughing and loving others. We live and experience hard things, while our heart longs for something different, something better. That something is Heaven - with Jesus.

Personally I can't wait......nor can my body! Having no physical pain will be glorious!! :)