Parents - a precious gift.

I have not written anything in quite a while, but I have had some topics and thoughts simmering in my brain for some time now. 

As a young kid, time is something you think you have a lot of. We don't think about getting old or for that fact, our parents getting old. We know they are. We can see the grey hair, the slower steps, and the aging their bodies endure. Yet, somehow, we think they are invincible and will live forever. 

I never really thought about life without my parents. In some weird way, I just never thought it would happen. I know that sounds ridiculous. I probably just lived in denial of it ever happening. But we grow up feeling like our parents are always going to be around. I did. I certainly did not expect my mom to die as soon as she did. I thought another 10-15 years for sure. She was always so healthy. But diseases are no respecter of persons. 

In some ways, my brothers and I lost both of our parents the day mom died. But, dad was still there. Even if I couldn't have the same kinds of conversations with him, he was still there, physically as strong as ever. The man who provided for and protected our family. He was always such a strong man with an even stronger faith and trust in God. 

The moment he passed away I fell into my brother's arms sobbing and what came out of my mouth was, 'we no longer have any parents and are alone now'. He kept telling me it was going to be ok. He's right. We are ok and we have our family. But things have changed. There is security in knowing you have your parents there for you. There are safety and unconditional love. There is help or advice on the other end of the phone. They are your parents and there is a deep sense of loss when they are both gone. Geez I miss them terribly ... and it was so hard to watch them both die ... at the same time it was an honor for my brother and me to be there both times to usher them from life to death - from death to life - with Jesus forever. It is something no one can explain until you experience it, and it will be a different experience for each of us. Sacred, none-the-less.

Parents are a blessing. They are to be treasured and loved. They are to be respected and obeyed. They aren't perfect by any means. Neither are we, their children. But they are God's blessing to us. We are to care for them in their old age, honor them and hold them in high esteem. Consider it a blessing to be able to care for them in their declining years.

They are gone. They are in my heart. I will see them again one day. 

Treasure your parents - take time with them. Sit with them. Listen to them. Because one day you won't be able to.

Yes, a more mellow post, but a real-life one. 

Dad was given another stone to honor his military service.

Faith or Sight

If we think we have any control over our lives, we have only to look at the weather lately to dismiss that thought entirely. My family has missed 8 days of school in the last 10, all for various weather issues. First it was snow, then cold temps, and the latest was due to ice. The crazy thing? In the midst of those weather patterns, there were temps of 45 degrees, sun and rain for a few days. Only God could have done that.

Let's be honest, we all think we control our lives, at least to some degree. And to clear, there are some things that we do control. We control decisions we make, attitudes we have, places we go, whether we eat out or cook at home, whether we go shopping and spend money or not. There are a lot of things that we "control". Ultimately, however, we really don't control much of anything. God does, as is His right. After all, we are HIS creation.

In reading through Genesis, I came to the part where Abram and Lot went separate ways as the land could not hold them both. God promised Abram a land that He would show him and that He would make him into a great nation. What did Abram do? He packed up and left and just started walking. He had no idea where this land was.

When it came time to part ways with Lot, Abram gave him the first choice of where to live. Lot chose the best and Abram had what was left over. He allowed Lot to take the best because his faith said that God was in control and had made promises to him. 

Two men. Two perspectives. Two faiths.

Abram - walked by faith - offers selflessly - worships God in the midst.

Lot - chose by sight - chose selfishly - no evidence that he worshiped God during this time. 

Results: God fulfilled His promise to Abram and made him into a great nation. Lot was drawn into the wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah. 

I also think that there is a key in this story, and that is that Abram worshipped God in all of this. You can see him building alters to God a few times and worshipping. 

Worship while we wait. Walk by faith. Walk in trust of the One who controls everything.

I would really like for the warmth of summer to come quickly!!!

Strangers on this Earth

"And even when he reached the land God had promised him, he lived there by faith - for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God." Heb. 11:9-10

Six years ago today my mom passed away from Parkinson's disease, unable in her last months and weeks to talk, walk by herself, and in the end, unable to respond at all. She became unresponsive at home and ended up in the hospital with us having to make the decision to let God take her home. My dad also just passed away last month.

As you watch those you love, age and die, you realize this is not how God designed life to be. This was not what He intended when He created the earth and man. The Garden of Eden is what He planned. Where food was in abundance, where God walked in the Garden with Adam and Eve, and where there were no tears or death. Until .....

There was a time in my life where I didn't really think about that. Life on earth was pretty good, I had jobs, stuff and lots of friends and family. I even thought when/if I finally got married, all would be well. That those things would satisfy the desires of my heart.

I've learned just the opposite. None of those things met my, nor will they meet your deepest heart's desires. Only God can. I still don't completely understand that humanly speaking. But God's Word speaks of it, talking about how we are strangers on this earth....foreigners. A foreigner is someone who does not belong to a particular place; someone born from a country other than their own.

As a follower of Jesus, Heaven is my home. One day I/we, will live in a world where things will be as God intended - perfect. No tears, no pain, no death, no hate, none of the things we are currently experiencing on this earth. Yes, there are some good things on earth....working good jobs, good friends, good marriages, etc. and those are a small picture of what it will be like in Heaven one day.

In the meantime, we live in an imperfect world, trying to live like Jesus wants us to - loving God and loving others. We enjoy friends and family. We love our jobs. We enjoy eating good food, laughing and loving others. We live and experience hard things, while our heart longs for something different, something better. That something is Heaven - with Jesus.

Personally I can't wait......nor can my body! Having no physical pain will be glorious!! :) 

Because of Rain

Let's be honest, I hate rain. I used to love running in it, but other than that, I really dislike it a lot. It is dreary, cold and WET. On days that it rains, all I want to do is stay in bed with a good book and a fire in the fireplace. Well, when I had a fireplace. Rain also makes me think of death. Why? Because it seems like every time there is a funeral, it is raining. 

Logically, when you think about rain, here are some thoughts & facts:

• Clouds bring rain.
• Rain is wet. (they don't call me a college graduate for nothing!)
• A lot of times when it rains it is cold.
• Rain brings growth - grass grows, flowers grow, food grows.
• Rains bring worms. Wet worms smell! The rain draws them out of the ground.
• Rain produces mud - which can bring mud slides - which can cause death.
• Rain can cause floods - which can cause death.
• Too much rain can kills plants. 
• After rain, there is usually new life.
• After rain, often times there is a rainbow.

There are some common themes here: death and new growth. Grass, food and flowers need the rain for growth. So while rain/water can bring death, it always brings new life and growth.

Rain and water is used to get rid of things as well. It gets rid of the old in order to bring in the new. Water gets rid of junk on our dishes, soap in our hair, mud from our shoes and dirt from our clothes. In order for new plants to grow, they need water. The seed needs to be fed. We all know the saying, April showers bring May flowers. As much as I hate the rain part, I love the new flowers part. I love the fresh, green grass.

Same with life. In every life rain will fall, the storms will come and our lives may flood some. That may look like a loss, a death, a job issue, family stuff, injury, etc. We need that rain to wash away things in our lives that may be in the way of how God wants to use us. Or, it may simply be there to grow us more so that when the time comes, and God brings the "next thing" to our lives, we will be better equipped and grown in order to fulfill God's stuff. 

Along with those storms, often comes tears ... water ... it cleanses our hearts and souls of ... sadness, grief, fear, or anxiety. Maybe, legitly, we have something in our eye that needs to come out! 

All the rain, water, tears is needed. Get rid of. Grow.

Why does the ground need to expose the worms though, if they live in the ground?!

So, let it rain.

Undercurrent

Last week some of my sister in law's family came for the week, for what is now a traditional July 4th week vacation. One of the things we did was tube down the Muskegon river. I, personally, LOVE the water and really just want to live one a lake and retire! Or by any body of water for that fact.

I noticed a couple of things:

1.  At my age and the condition of my once athletic and limber body, the best option is to just sit in the tube and float. Trying what the kids did probably wasn't the best idea. Rolling over on your stomach to watch for fish, or getting out to swim with the current or just hanging on in the middle of the tube while your legs drag the bottom, are not good ideas for someone like me.

2.  There is NO graceful way to get off a tube in a current.

3.  Trying to jump back onto your tube is just about as graceful as #2. For me, it was impossible. 

4.  Having to navigate over to the shore in order to stand up on solid ground in order to get back onto your tube puts you way behind the group.

5.  Said group are not going to wait for you. You are on your own! 

6.  My family is competitive but also "harsh" - and by harsh I mean you don't usually get away with doing anything. You will be laughed at and possibly mocked.

7.  It is one of the most relaxing things to do, especially on a beautiful, sunny day. 

8.  2 1/2 hours is just enough time.

9.  My mom would have LOVED it.

10. However, the most important thing I re-learned, is that undercurrents can be really dangerous and you don't know they are there until it's too late.

You wouldn't think that a river would have such a swift current. A lot of the way down is in shallower water, and by just looking, you don't see much movement underneath. But step out and boy is it there! I forgot how hard they can be to maneuver in. Which is one reason I had such a hard time jumping back into the tube. An undercurrent can take you down pretty quickly and it is difficult to get your balance.

I remember once as a kid getting caught in the undercurrent in the ocean and being scared to death! I am pretty sure I thought I would die. Here's the thing about them: 

     a.  you can't see them until you are caught in it.

     b.  you lose control and balance.

     c.  you have to fight to get that balance back.

     d.  while not being able to "see" it, it is extremely powerful.

     e.  sometimes you need others to help you get out of it.

We all have undercurrents in our lives. Things that we, and maybe even others, can't see, but they are there non-the-less. These things cause us to lose our balance in life, and sometimes our focus on God. They are powerful and seek to control us. For me some of these currents are: worry, doubt, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone the rest of my life, depression, anxiety, just to name a few. 

Here is the other thing about undercurrents:  most of the time you know they are there. Either by experience or someone telling you. So you can be prepared. You can be ready to fight or combat it. This is the same with our earthly undercurrents. I know these things are there and I need to know how to combat them. Some days I know they are coming and some days one of them may sneak up on me. I have learned and am continuing to learn how to be prepared for them. Speaking truth - God's truth and sometimes just plain human truth; pray; scripture; for me, music. Sometimes we/I need e. above: others to help us/me get out of the undercurrent.

Thankful for those others who help me and are never going to "let me go" to get swept out into the ocean.

ibprofin is another key to a 2 1/2 hour tubing ride for this broken down body!

14 Years Later

 Having moving back to MI has made me think about all that has happened since last living here. So I thought I would make a list:

1.  I moved to OH to work at Cedarville University.
2.  While living in OH, I moved 3 times.
3.  I bought my first home.
4.  I learned what it was like to truly live in community.
5.  I made some life long friends, including a best friend.
6.  Had 4 major surgeries.
7.  Became “aunt” to some great friend’s children.
8.  Lost 2 dogs.
9.  Went through some major emotional and spriritual healing.
10. Watched some really good friends go through some really hard and unjust stuff.
11. Walked through tough things with a great friend.
12. Worked with some great colleagues at the University.
13. Lost my mom to Parkinson’s/dementia.
14. Packed up my parent’s entire home and moved my dad to MI to live with my brother and his family.
15. Got married.
16. Moved to VA.
17. Sang in a choir.
18. Sold my only home.
19. Watched my dad decline with Alzheimer’s.
20. Had my marriage completely crumble and end in divorce.
21. Had my heart broken.
22. Moved to PA.
23. Took a job at my Alma Mater.
24. Fulfilled my dad’s dream of one of his children becoming AD/Coach where he spent 45 years.
25. Experienced betrayal of those I worked with and trusted.
26. Had one of my nephews live with me for 3 semesters of college!
27. Watched another nephew graduate from high school.
28. Watched my best friend fall in love and get married.
29. Bought two cars.
30. Started writing a blog.
31. Experienced a lot of ups and downs in my relationship with Jesus.
32. Learned what it is like to live daily with physical pain.
33. Got my third dog, Jack!
34. Experienced a God-size miracle concerning medical bills.
35. Became a part of the BEAR Sisters and have had 2 reunions so far.

I am sure there are a lot more, but these made the “short list”. Since moving back a few days ago, I have purchased a fishing license and have caught three fish on my first trolling trip. I have gone from midnight and 3 am feedings, changing dirty diapers, watching babies learn how to walk, to now watching them learn how to drive, hang out with their friends, play video games and occasionally want to hang with their Aunt :)  Looking forward to being able to watch the younger two peeps in their high school athletic careers. Sad to have the other two go off to college - MN and VA. Couldn’t they have stayed closer to home!? : (

A Nomad

I was thinking the other day that I feel very much like I am living the nomadic lifestyle. I have lived in 7 different States and can’t remember how many times I have moved IN those States. I often wonder why it is that some people live in one spot their entire lives and others move around. Granted, some want to, while others (me) don’t want to. Some people love to travel. I don’t mind it, but always love to come back “home”, wherever that is!

A nomad is someone who doesn’t live in one place for very long; a wanderer. Often, it is a people group who moves to find fresh pastures for their livestock. Well, I have no livestock! Unless you count Jack! He is often lively, but is well stocked with food so no need to relocate for that reason.

The good about it:

1.  Well, you learn to downsize because after packing up the same stuff every time, you realize that you really don’t need or use it all. I, in all seriousness, could live in a “Tiny House”. I think I would love it! I have gone from a decent size 2 bedroom house of stuff to a 1 bedroom apartment size of stuff.

2.  You see some great States, landscapes and meet different people. I have lived in some beautiful locations, that’s for sure. 

3.  It has allowed me to make some GREAT friends! Lifelong friends.

4.  You learn different cultures. For example:  up north you know we like or don’t like you. We just tell you! But down south, we act like we like you and call you sweetie, but we bash you behind your back! : ) It is true.

The bad about it:

1.  You never feel settled. 

2.  You have to say goodbye to some of those friends, or at least goodbye to living and doing daily life with them.

3.  Moving is expensive!

4.  I hate packing and unpacking!!

Some of these moves are for good reason and some for not so good reasons or circumstances. I have had both. For some reason I don’t think God WANTS me to feel too setteled. Maybe He knows that the more unsettled I am, the more I have to rely  completely on Him. Maybe He knows that the more comfortable I am, the less I will need to depend on Him.  

I am also reminded lately that God does things for our good and His glory. It dawned on me in a different way recently, what that really means. I understand the “for my good” part. It is the other part that I have been thinking about lately. God is going to do things in our lives to bring Himself glory. so that we and others will see how good He is, how faithful He is, how kind He is, etc. So I started thinking about that. God isn’t going to do some half baked “thing” in our lives. He is going to do things that others will say, “only God...”. 

What hope does that give me? That’s the thing....He is going to do something in me that will not only be good FOR me, but will have people praising Him because only HE could have done something that amazing. I don’t know what it is going to be. Right now I just need a job! But for now I am doing my best to hang on to Him, trust Him, depend on Him, be willing to accept the tough for what good will come out of it, and to look forward to one day being able to, again, tell of the good things He has done.

In the meantime, I “wander” some more. 14 years ago I got a call from my brother to ask me to come live with them and help out with my nephews and niece. They had just had their third son and at the same time, adopted their second child....a girl : ) The babies were 6 months and a newborn. I am now going back to them in MI. The “babies” are now 15 and the older two will both be going to college in the Fall. A LOT has happened in those 14 years. But it is time to be back near family.

So for now, I hold up my hands to Jesus and say, your will, not mine. (Knowing soon would be great though)!