Anniversary's

Anniversary's have a way of making us reflective. Every year, for the last three years, this day makes me reflective, sad, and happy.

It is a day that is etched in my memory. Every detail of the two days prior and the day God took our mom home is forever in my mind. You can't help but replay those memories in your mind on a day like today.

I remember her eyes connecting one time with Scott and I as she lay in hospice. We choose to believe, as she attempted to mumble something, that she was aware of our presence.

I remember my dad so lovingly touching her face and telling her how much he loves her.

I remember the grands coming in and saying their goodbyes. The decision we made as a family to take her off the breathing machine, and I remember the 15 hours we sat with her.

But two memories I will remember with a sad smile, is when it was just mom and I and I played the song, "It Is Well" for her. It IS well with her. She is with Jesus, no more pain, no more tears, and no more suffering. The other memory is Scott and I holding her hands for her final two hours, watching her take her final breaths and meeting Jesus. From our hands to HIS. A painful blessing.

I remember the songs sang at her funeral, the testimonies given, and the message shared. My mom LOVED Jesus, LOVED her family, and LOVED others.

At some point I am hoping the "reflection" is more about her life than the days of her death, and I am sure it will be. This isn't meant to be morbid either. Just my thoughts today.

I choose to remember these 3 things today: her love for Jesus, love for family & others and her sense of humor. She was a funny lady!

So why am I happy? I am so happy that she is with Jesus. That she is whole again. That she is out of pain and suffering. That she is with her rents and family.

That she is waiting for us with Jesus! I can't wait.

Birthdays and blessing.....

3 years ago today, I talked with my mom for the last time ... or at least the last time she was conscious to respond back. I called her for her birthday a few weeks after spending Christmas with her and my dad in PA.

She would be 78 today. I am pretty darn sure she is happily celebrating however old she is in heaven and quite glad she isn't celebrating #78 here on earth! Angels singing and being with Jesus is probably better then a cake and dinner!

Remembering her birthday somehow got me to thinking of blessings. That last Christmas with her was unexpected. Usually we all traveled to MI. But that year she couldn't travel anymore, so I decided to go there and spent a few days with just her and dad. What a blessing! I was able to cook her Christmas dinner....another blessing, even if the meat turned out a little tough :) You see, God knew she would be with him 3 weeks later. HE knew we all (including Scott and family who also were able to spend time with her then) needed that time with her. HE KNEW.....

Fast forward 3 years to this year's Christmas and unexpected blessings. I was able to spend two whole weeks with my family, an unexpected lunch with my best friend, coffee and brunch with two others. None of those were totally planned, but God knew what I needed, so I am choosing to see those as blessings HE gave me because HE knows what we need, when we need it. HE KNOWS what I will face (and you) this year. So I am trying to see all those small blessings as purposeful things God is placing and will place in my life, for a reason, and not overlook or take for granted "random" phone calls, cards in the mail, or a text message.

You see, HE knows what's coming. The good and bad, and He knows what I need to handle both the good and bad.

By the way, I am listening to Adele on my new wireless headphones ... another unexpected Christmas blessing....LOL. Not sure Adele goes with this post, but .... you know.

Lastly, more than once at the end of December, I kept seeing this verse on social media:

Is. 43:18-19
"But forget all that - it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am going to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wastelands."

For another post .....

Prayer

Where two or three are gathered in my name .... pray in secret and my Father who .... 

In the past few years I have listened to a lot of complaining in the church, and to be honest, I have complained about a few things myself.  All of you who thought I was perfect, sorry to burst the bubble! 

We complain about our routines being upset, the music is too loud, the chairs have been moved, someone sat in "my row" ... the list is long. In recent years I've listened to all of the, "we are headed down the slippery slope". Why are we headed that way, they say?

1. we took baptist out of a title.

2. we took Bible out of a title

3. we are using something other then the King James version.

4. we don't use hymnals anymore.

5. we've added a "contemporary" service.

6. we have a worship band.

7. we are trying new ways to love people outside of the church and that makes others uncomfortable.

8. we no longer have a Sunday night service.

I'm sure there are more, but you get my point. I was reading recently a conversation on FB. Someone was upset because their church is canceling Wednesday night prayer meeting because of lack of attendance. 

Rabbit trail: do you remember the old days when our Baptist churches would split us up to prayer and men and women were separated and had to pray with the appropriate gender!?  : )

Ok, back to my point of this post. We are so stuck in our ways of tradition that we can't see out of the box. Instead of being upset because the church canceled prayer meeting, how about finding a group of friends that want to pray together once a week and do that? Why does it have to be in a church, or on a Wednesday night? Because that is the way it has always been. If we complain, but don't fill that void another way, then we don't really care about prayer meeting. We just care that our churches changed something.

I've learned a lot about prayer in the past 10 years. My thoughts on prayer have changed as my view of God has changed. I never really liked to pray, especially in public or with others. I never sounded very spiritual, in my mind, whatever that meant! and God already knows, so why bother telling him.

As my view and heart began to change, so did my desire to pray with others (small groups or one!)

Here's the thing ... God WANTS to hear from us. Praying with others, in our circles of trust, is an amazing experience. We get to talk to the God of the universe together. It seems to me that when we do this, our prayers also become deeper and are less about "aunt bessy's hip" (not to downplay those things) and more about our deep need for Jesus. Doing that together also bonds us together.

So, instead of complaining because Wednesday night prayer meeting has been canceled, get together with a friend or your circle of trust, and prayer together weekly. I pray weekly with a friend, over the phone, and I wouldn't trade it. I look forward to it. Crazy, I know .... over the phone .... horrors! Ok, enough sarcasm : )

Think and pray out of the box. 

Watch the War Room.

JACK!

From the age of about 2 until I was a junior in high school I grew up with a German Shepherd whose name was Heidi. Interesting side note ... my mom loved the name Heidi and wanted to name me by this moniker, but I guess dad didn't like it. So she said if she ever had another girl she WOULD name her Heidi. Well, Scott was born so that didn't happen! But when she got this shepherd pup, her name became Heidi. I'm really glad she didn't give me that name!

When I was about 4, Heidi had a litter of pups. We have home movies showing these pups gang tackling me in the backyard. Of course we named them all and this one particular grey pup captured my mom's heart and she named her "greygirl". We wanted to keep her but decided in the end not to, and boy did mom cry as she was the last one sold. 

What is it about animals, and in this case, dogs that so capture our human hearts? (well some of ours as I know not all humans are animals lovers, and that's ok) By their very presence they bring joy and laughter to our lives ... or groans when you are cleaning up vomit! Its not much different then having kids in that regard.

They are loyal beyond loyal, love you with no expectations in return, and listen as if they understand every word! However, they are totally dependent on us for food and general care. They are quirky, as demonstrated by Jack. He decides which treats he will eat right away and which he will walk around the house looking for a place to "bury" it while he whines. He spends great time and care in "burying" his treat only to unbury it minutes later. I often laugh at the clever places he finds to hide them. Unlike one of my other dogs, Skylar, who would have a collection of treats buried deep in my closet that I would find later.

Dogs fill this need for companionship. You can often read where retirement centers or rehab centers will bring in dogs just for companionship and the affects they have on people is palpable. 

By the way, you can call them every name in the book as long as you use your kind and gentle voice and they will wag their tails as if you are giving them great compliments! : ) I am now on my third dog as an adult, and I will never be without one. Skylar, Chloe and now JACK!

If you were waiting for my life or spiritual application, sorry to disappoint! : )

Heidi and I

Chloe

Skylar

Made in His Image

This is my friend Corkey from church. I met him some 18 years ago when I first lived in Va. I always knew when he was in church as his "amen's" reverberated throughout the auditorium. My first Sunday back in Va I heard Corkey and it made me smile. He is still here, and other then a little gray hair, hasn't changed. 

Corkey loves Jesus! When asked if he is ready to go to church and worship Jesus, he gets so excited that he goes on for about 5 minutes. He is not ashamed to proclaim his love for God, shout out an "amen", or exclaim, "isn't God good".

See we can learn a lot from Corkey. He has Cerebral Palsy and has a number of challenges because of it. Yet he is constantly asking you, "isn't God good"? How can a man who has so many challenges feel this way? He doesn't have family here, struggles to get around, and has to rely on others to get anywhere. So how can he say that?

Somewhere in his mind it is THAT simple ... God IS good. He has the Holy Spirit in him. He has the love of Jesus in him. He has the peace of God in him. He has the power and grace of God in him that allows him to see past his difficulties and SEE the goodness of God.

Corkey is made in the Image of God just as you and I are. Yet he sees joy in the simplicity of life. He LOVES Burger King .... he LOVES his butterfly ring ..... he LOVES going to church .... and boy does he LOVE Jesus and is not ashamed to say it, yell it in church and constantly proclaim it.

I don't know all the lessons I will learn from Corkey yet. But I love being around him. His joy rubs off on me and makes me smile. It makes a bad day feel just a little better for those minutes I am with him. 

Shouldn't that be how it is with us and Jesus? The time I spend with Him each day should make me smile, make me want to proclaim, "isn't God good"?! Instead, I am often overwhelmed by the difficulties of life.

Why is God good? Simply .... because He died for me ..... because of that I have life eternal ..... He gives me daily grace ..... He forgives me ..... He loves me more then anyone else can ..... I am made in His Image.

Oh ..... Corkey LOVES Disney World!   ..... and wants me to go with him someday : )

We should all be more like Corkey.

Dear Mom .....

So mom .... I got married. A couple of years after this picture of you and I was taken. You would love him. His name is Russ and no, I did not meet him on the internet! A mutual friend introduced us. He is a kind and good man. He loves Jesus, our family, my close friends and, yes, even my newest dog, Jack. I have no doubt he would dote on you! He is really good to me, and for that I know you are happy.

By the way, I think you'd love Jack too. He'd sit on your lap for hours! Unlike my other two!

I always thought one day that you would make my wedding dress, like we had talked about. Somewhere along the line we stopped talking about it! LOL ..... not wanting to say out loud that we thought "it" might never happen. I'm glad at least that you were able to make Kari's. I think you would have been surprised at the dress I picked out! haha...I'd love to have heard your comments! It was nothing I ever imagined or wanted in a dress. Knowing you, you would have known right away that it was the one.

Our wedding was outside. You remember Kirsten ... it was at her parents old house and it was beautiful. I don't know how much God allows you to see of our human lives down here, but I choose to believe that He allowed you to be a witness on that day. Oh how I wish you were there ... but I had some other "moms" there for you. Peggy, Kirsten's mom and Beth's mom. It took three to represent you!

Dad is doing ok, but never the same since you went to heaven. He's suffering from dementia now too, sometimes not remembering who I am. Scott and Kari are taking GREAT care of him, following his example of caring for you. He will be ok. We are, and will, do our best for him. I had Scott and the boys give me away for you and dad. It was one of my favorite moments walking with all of them! You would be so proud of them. They are becoming such great men. Well, Deacon's only 12, but you know! : ) Lily is sweet and a rough and tumble, girly girl. You would LOVE spending time with her and teaching her to sew and make things.

Anyway, back to the wedding ... it was just all family and close friends, about 100 people, which was perfect. Kirsten was my MOH and Lily my junior bridesmaid. I don't know what I would have done without Kir. She spent the week with me and did all the things we would have done and more. She was my wedding planner, cake decorator, organizer, list maker, packer, kept me sane and everyone on the same page. Couldn't have a better best friend.

It was a worshipful time and I thought of you a lot during it. Dad, Scott and Kari came up and prayed with us and that is when I most felt your absence.

I could have really used all those times you wanted to teach me how to cook and can! I'm sure you are having a good chuckle up there at my attempts right now! But they have these things now like waffle and bread makers ... and google where I can get any recipe I need ... and a crockpot! But ... I have your box of recipe's and your Betty Crocker cookbook that is falling apart. I still tend to put all my laundry in the same load instead of separating by colors, etc. but I am working on that : )

and this boy .....

... is a freshman in college this year! Can you believe it! I remember the day they brought him home! What a cute little guy, who is now growing up to be an amazing guy who loves the Lord.

Doing my best (with God's help) to make you proud. I love and miss you mom.

What you don't know when you move ....

..... or get married.

So here's the thing: I have moved numerous times in my life. Each time I have to do all of the same things. It never gets easier, nor do I remember how awful it really is.

I also think:  NO WOMAN CAME UP WITH THIS SYSTEM! There should be ONE place to go in order to change your last name on EVERYTHING! But noooooooo .......... so let's just make a list for fun.

1. SS office
2.Credit cards
3. License
4. Any place where you have any card with your last name on it.
5. Passport
6. Optional:  email addresses
7. Title to your car or  loan

I'm sure there are others I am not even aware of yet. But if this isn't enough, we also have to .........

8. Find a new hairdresser - which, by the way, is the MOST traumatic thing to do.
9. Find a new primary care doc - release forms, new forms .... FORMS!
10. Other pertinent docs by gender - yeah, I said it.
11. Bank
12. Dentist
13. Pharmacy - giving ALL your new information
14. Eye doc
15. Find the DMV - or whatever your new state has decided to call it.
16. Find a new Vet
17. Find the closest Post Office

Oh ..... and most important: the closest Kohls, ice cream shop, Chick-Fil-A and mall.

THAT.IS.ALL.