Talking and Listening

Why is it so easy to talk about ourselves all the time?  Why do we feel the need to "one up" each other's stories; or immediately share our own similar experience as if we didn't even hear what the other said?  I'm not sure of all the reasons but here are a few ...

We are self-centered.  Always thinking of ourselves and what makes us feel good. It feels good to talk about ourselves and have people comment or laugh at what we share.  We are insecure.  The bigger the better the story, the more confident we feel about what others feel about us.  We are not humble people.  We would rather talk about ourselves and what we have done or experienced then sit and listen to others.

Sitting at the dinner table one night this week I sat and listened to my students talk.  They are great students! But they are also caught up in this "me" mentality, as we all are at times if we are honest. After listening to this for about an hour, I made a decision.  We all convened in a circle around a fire and I told them they were not allowed to tak about themselves the rest of the night.  They couldn't use the words, I, me or my ... Unless they are asked a question.

All of a sudden it was quiet.  They didn't know what to do or say.  After some fun with it and losing the privilege of talking if they broke the "rules", we sat and talked about it.  Here's my point ...

We spend so much time talking about ourselves that we don't know how to listen.  We are waiting for our turn so we can talk.  We don't engage in communication ... We talk at each other.  We don't listen to hear what someone is NOT saying.  We don't hear deeply what is being said.  We don't ask follow up questions to dig deeper or to get to really know someone.  Why?  Maybe because it requires hard work and vulnerability.  It even requires silence and being comfortable with that, while waiting for someone to be able to speak.  It requires patience. It takes intentionality.

I also think that when you have this kind of conversation, it inevitably leads to Jesus and conversation about life and spirituality.  Not every conversation has to be like this.  However, truth be told, we don't have many of them.

Ramona and Amado, the Dominican couple on the mountain were the best example of this. They shared their testimonies with us one night, never talking about themselves.  Even when we asked questions about how they met or something about them, they answered the question but always came back to conversation about God.

May I / we be more like Ramona and Amado ... Listen more ... Speak less about ourselves ...