My Favorite Holiday

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Not necessarily for what it means. Quite frankly, we should be thankful everyday and tell those we care about why we are thankful for them, more than once a year.

It's because of what it has always represented: food, family/friends, and football - seriously. Those who know me, know that I LOVE to eat good food! Everybody coming home to eat mom's cooking, watch football and take naps. Play outside. My mom's green bean casserole and homemade apple pie. One of my other "mom's" cranberry salad and another "mom's" amazing cooking, shrimp and homemade blueberry pie.  Playing cards for hours! Nothing was open and you just hung out with family and friends. The day after, my mom would get out all of the Christmas stuff and we'd start decorating.

This year, it's a little different. Not sure it's my favorite holiday anymore. Life's experiences change things. This year is the first year I don't have at least one parent to call or be with. New traditions that I thought I'd be starting didn't happen. This is the first year that I can remember, not being either with my family or my other "family's" homes. It's weird. We will all experience something similar at some point in our lives. Somehow I just didn't think it would happen! LOL

Today I cooked for some boys, including my nephew. He couldn't be with his family so I wanted to make it special for him. We have WAY too much food leftover, but had fun making it and hanging out watching football. Well, I did while they napped. Tough being young. I think the monkey bread put us over the edge.

Life has a way of putting things into perspective. I'm learning to not have expectations. To take one day at a time. To trust God has my best interest, and my holiness, in mind. To cherish every time I get to spend with family and good friends. To not worry about ......... that surgery, that bill, what will happen when...., what will happen if...., what about.....you get the picture. Anxiety is my life long nemesis! 

Here are God's deeds this year:

• He has provided me with a good job
• He has provided a safe place to heal
• He has given me sweet friends, near and afar
• He worked out details so I can get a needed surgery
• He provided a great place for my dad
• He has answered some significant prayers for my friends
• He has provided someone really special for my BF
• He has given me daily grace to move forward
• On hard days, He gets me through
• He has given me a great, and very fun staff, to work with
• He has given me a great boss to work with
• He provides for my daily needs

Everything else.....and my future....are in His hands. I, daily, have to trust and choose to trust even if it isn't easy, even if I don't understand, and even if I desire something different.

He is God ..... I am not.  He is good ..... I am inconsistent.  He knows best ..... I do not (even though I think I do). He is worthy ..... of my trust and praise.

Not My Will ...

I was reading a devotional this morning about our “Gethsemanes” in life. It was about Jesus in the Garden and how He agonized over what was to come. In the end, He prayed these words: “Not my will, but yours be done”. Of course He was talking to God. 

The gist of the devotional was about how we all face our own “Gethsemanes” in life. A time where....

• Life doesn’t make sense
• You are overwhelmed
• You are weary of the battle
• You face one battle after another 
• You face death

I read on, waiting for the “how to” section. The, “this will make it easier” section. The, “this will make you feel better” section. You know, I am a list person. Tell me how to do something. Give me the steps to follow. But for PETE’S sake, do NOT tell me that at some point I just “have to” ...

• Forgive
• Forget
• Move on
• Let go
• Trust God
• Believe, have faith

Those steps never came in this devotional. I literally said, out loud, “are you kidding, that’s the end, that’s it”? It ended with the the fact that at some point all God wants to hear is, “not my will but yours be done”. Some of my wills ....

Take my dad home to see mom and Jesus now.

Faster healing from divorce would be great.

Not having physical pain every day would be awesome.

Having my own home again ... now THAT is a big desire.

Not having to worry about money and being able to “retire” some day.

Being closer to my circle of friends and family is a huge desire.

Wanting to have another chance at marriage.

But I was reminded today that Jesus had the biggest “Gethsemane” of all, and He had the power to walk away from it. But He didn’t. Why? Out of obedience to the Father. Out of love for us.

That’s it ..... “not my will, but yours be done”.

It’s not easy. I am no better than anyone else for writing or thinking about this. I don’t do this very well. It’s just that now and then the Holy Spirit nudges me to do something, to think about something, to be reminded of something .... and then to act. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. Probably more often than not, I don’t. 

Say it, Lori....daily. It will take hold and make its way to your heart.