Willingly ...

A friend of mine texted me this morning and said something that I thought was extremely profound. As I enter into treatment #2, she said, "I know its hard to willingly subject yourself to something you know will make you feel like crap."

Really, what a profound statement. As I sit here, I am willingly allowing chemicals to be introduced into my body that will make me really sick. All in an effort to kill some bad cells. Ironic, isn't it? One day I was planning my future ... applying for jobs ... and the next, with no warning I am sitting in a doctor's office being told that I have cancer. All stop.

One day Job was living the life of "Old Testament luxury" - kids, flocks, money, houses - no sickness. The next day, all of it was gone. We don't know exactly what Job was doing when he started getting bad news, but we know that he received bad news after bad news ... four times ... without any time to process one thing before the next thing came. 

On a side note, I was NOT living a life of luxury when I received my news! LOL But I digress ...

Through all of this: losing his kids, his flocks, and his servants, Job did not sin. He actually shaved his head, bowed down and worshipped God. Wait, what? Really? How in tune with Jesus he must have been to be able to do that. Even when God allowed Satan to cause him physical pain, he did not sin. There is a lot more in the book of Job that I do not profess to understand fully. He was abandoned by his family and friends, received bad advice from friends, and lamented to God his plight. He was rebuked by God and repented. After all of this God gave back to Job everything he lost two-fold. 

God doesn't choose to bless us because of anything we have done. He also doesn't necessarily allow harm to us because of anything bad we have done. Job was a man of integrity and righteous before God, yet God allowed suffering. What did Job gain from this suffering? A deeper understanding and relationship with God. 

Lessons: (I stole these as I was reading about Job)

1. God used Job's story to teach his friends, wife, and us a lot about His character, suffering, and the human heart.

2. Suffering is not always related to wickedness but is just part of life.

3. Suffering can bring rewards and even joy.

4. God is worthy of our worship no matter what.

Back to my original point: it often takes the bad, hard, and painful to make us physically well again. This is true spiritually as well. If often takes hard and painful things to weed out things in our lives that are keeping us from truly worshipping and knowing God at a deeper level.

On a side note ... if I get boils I may use profanity! 

Job 12:10 "In His hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of mankind."

"What is your Job, Lori?

I am a college professor - it is what I do - what I love - and what God has gifted me for. I LOVE college students! They give me energy. I love having them in my office hanging out, or in my home. I love the classroom where we talk about sports, life, and how to use their sports degree to share Christ. I love the "ah-ha" moments they have. I just love teaching college kids.

In His sovereignty, God brought me to MI two years ago without a full-time job. As I have waited for the next thing I have been able to teach online which has been a blessing. It has allowed me to connect with students, although in a very different format, and stay up to date in my field while pursuing my doctorate.

It was time to apply for jobs and enter the classroom again, or so I thought. I entered the interview process with a potential college and felt sure that this was the one! Then it happened.....I became a statistic. 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer in their lifetime. Well, I became the 1.

Back in December, I entered counseling to work through some things. I don't believe I would have been as prepared to face this new challenge had I not done that. Trust me, I'm still not sure I am doing it all that well! But better than I would have.

Which brings me back to the present moment ... I have had, what feels like, a million appointments and procedures and now, my first treatment. Nothing can prepare you for this. So when meeting with my counselor this week, I told her I feel like I am wasting my time and not accomplishing anything. As only she can do, she gently asked me what my job was. Once I figured out what she meant, and then telling her to shut up :) I said, "to get better, my job is to get better".

It pays nothing, in fact, quite the opposite, but it is my current job. For the first time in my life, it actually FEELS like a JOB. What I mean is that my profession doesn't really feel like a job because I love it. THIS .... THIS feels like a job. It's hard, painful, exhausting, and not fun at all. It's expensive, sometimes isolating, with no guaranteed outcome.

I am learning that praise and thanksgiving are what allows my heart to receive God's peace.

This, this is my job: to get better.