I am a college professor - it is what I do - what I love - and what God has gifted me for. I LOVE college students! They give me energy. I love having them in my office hanging out, or in my home. I love the classroom where we talk about sports, life, and how to use their sports degree to share Christ. I love the "ah-ha" moments they have. I just love teaching college kids.
In His sovereignty, God brought me to MI two years ago without a full-time job. As I have waited for the next thing I have been able to teach online which has been a blessing. It has allowed me to connect with students, although in a very different format, and stay up to date in my field while pursuing my doctorate.
It was time to apply for jobs and enter the classroom again, or so I thought. I entered the interview process with a potential college and felt sure that this was the one! Then it happened.....I became a statistic. 1 in 8 women will develop breast cancer in their lifetime. Well, I became the 1.
Back in December, I entered counseling to work through some things. I don't believe I would have been as prepared to face this new challenge had I not done that. Trust me, I'm still not sure I am doing it all that well! But better than I would have.
Which brings me back to the present moment ... I have had, what feels like, a million appointments and procedures and now, my first treatment. Nothing can prepare you for this. So when meeting with my counselor this week, I told her I feel like I am wasting my time and not accomplishing anything. As only she can do, she gently asked me what my job was. Once I figured out what she meant, and then telling her to shut up :) I said, "to get better, my job is to get better".
It pays nothing, in fact, quite the opposite, but it is my current job. For the first time in my life, it actually FEELS like a JOB. What I mean is that my profession doesn't really feel like a job because I love it. THIS .... THIS feels like a job. It's hard, painful, exhausting, and not fun at all. It's expensive, sometimes isolating, with no guaranteed outcome.
I am learning that praise and thanksgiving are what allows my heart to receive God's peace.
This, this is my job: to get better.
Lori, dear, this is sad news. You have fought through many disappointments and heartbreaks through life. ALMIGHTY God will enable you to get through this one, as well. Rest in His arms and let Him fight for you.....and we will pray for you. Sending love, Don and Judy E.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteLori, you are a warrior woman, and while I am confident that you can do this, I also know it is difficult and exhausting, so I will be praying for you. For strength, for perseverance, for healing, for hope, for rest, for joy. You got this. ❤
ReplyDeleteThank you!
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