My Christmas letter!

My Family (minus their rents!)

I NEVER send Christmas cards or update letters, etc.  Just not my "thing".  However, now that I have a blog, I thought I'd write a "Christmas update blog". There continued to be changes and difficult times this past year, but in the midst I have seen God's hand and protection & provision for me and others in my life.  So, here we go .......

1.  Most people here only know me as the girl who keeps having surgery!  Let me assure you, I do NOT like nor want to have anymore! : )  I would not change my athletic career, but I am definitely paying for it now.  I had a major fusion in my lower back just as the new year began.  It was pretty awful.  Thankful for good friends and co-workers who helped, made food and came to encourage me (even though I almost threw up on one!)  

2.  One of my dearest friends moved.  I hate change and this kind of change I probably hate the most. But I am thankful for God's provision for her as it was a major change for her in many ways,  and .... its not too far away!  

3.  I developed and taught a brand new course this semester.  Always tough when you don't know what it will look like and there were certainly challenges that will result in some changes for next year,  BUT, it was one of my favorite classes ever to teach!  (social media in sport)

4.  We moved my dad from PA to MI over a period of months starting this summer.  It's time for my brother, his family and I to take care of him.  So he is now living with Scott and his family.  He is adjusting.  Wow, its hard when roles change but God has been gracious to us.  Oh....and, DOWNSIZE PEOPLE, DOWNSIZE!

5.  I lost my second German Shepherd : (  She was my first dog.  I rescued her in VA when she was 7 weeks old.  Sweet pup, but stubborn!  haha.

6.  A Friend of mine was moving and could not keep their 2 year old dog...... yep ...... I adopted him. Did I mention he's a SMALL dog?  Oh my ...... never thought I would have a small dog, but he has won my heart and keeps me warm!  Pretty sure I have gone from "favorite neighbor" whose shepherds NEVER barked, to "most annoying neighbor" whose new dog doesn't stop barking!

7.  Still teaching at Cedarville.  Love my students and our major!  Taking 10 of us to the Dominican Republic over spring break in March.  We will be working with a community holding mini sports camps for kids, working on a construction project and hopefully meeting up with some professional baseball players for a day.

8.  Big news:  started my doctorate.  It may kill me.  Just finished my first class and will be taking two more this next semester.  It will be a Dr. of Education in Sport Management from the United States Sports Academy.  I will be finished in ..... well ..... umm ..... let's just say, a few years!

9.  Did I mention a surgery?  No, not THAT one.  Needed to fix a hip issue that was getting in the way of my recovery from the other one.  So just had a scope done a few weeks ago and feeling a lot better.  After 4-6 months of rehab, I should be good to go!  

10.  and number 10 ....... my first nephew is a senior and will be graduating in June!  WHAAATTTT!!!  in honor of him, let me share a picture of days gone by.

and lastly ...... but most importantly .... I am thankful for all that God has done IN me over the year.  I am still lazy and don't read my Bible enough, praying is not always my first instinct, I still complain about things I can't change and I still struggle over things that have happened in my life and in those I care about.  But, God is patient.  He is gracious and faithful.  He continues to heal my heart and soul.  

As we get ready to celebrate our second Christmas holiday without my mom, I am not only reminded of how much I miss her, but continue to be thankful for all I have learned from her and for her Godly example of trust and faith in God.  I also can't begin to fathom the celebration she is experiencing in Heaven!

Merry Christmas

Taboo Subjects

Not only in light of recent events, but also because of some things I have been thinking about for awhile, I have some thoughts on taboo subjects.  The definition of taboo, according to Merriam, is "not acceptable to talk about or do".  When we are little kids, our parents teach us that picking our nose in public, burping or worse, talking in class, etc. are "taboo" things to do.  We each probably have our list of things we didn't talk about. Either because that is just the way it was or how that generation of parenting was done.  But that isn't really where I am going with this.  My issue is with the Church and our Christian organizations today.

My desire is not to get into a theological discussion of what Church is for or what it is not for, or who's job it is to confront and talk about these taboo topics.  I grew up in the church and around a Christian organization and think I have a pretty good handle on what they are for and their role.

Whether it is because of this generation's ability to talk about difficult subjects or because our society is in such turmoil that we all feel the need to talk, it is clear that (in my opinion) we need to step up. What are those taboo subjects?  Depression, suicide, physical, mental and sexual abuse, homosexuality (other then to say its wrong), death and its affects on those left, racism, alcohol (again, other then to take a specific stand in certain settings) to name a few.

These are real issues that do not need the platitude responses that they usually garner.  Nor do they need the fighting over that we often find in our churches about what the Bible says or doesn't say about them.  Nor do they deserve silence.  This is not an attack on all churches and Christian organizations.  A lot of them are having difficult conversations and getting involved in people's lives who are experiencing these things.  My issue is simply about the silence, ignoring or denying they exist.  Don't forget, this is just my personal opinion and thoughts! : )

We either don't talk about them because we have never experienced them and don't know how to, or they are just uncomfortable. Or worse, we don't want to get our hands dirty to walk through life with someone who has experienced one of these.  Life is messy, so is sin and its results and consequences.  Jesus walked though life with messy people.  I trust, admire and want to be like those people (even in my own life) who have chosen to do messy.

If we don't talk about them, engage in them, address them and do something about them, we are only going to, as they say, repeat history.

If not IN THE CHURCH, then where can we talk about these things and do something about them? Its not comfortable.  Its sometimes scarey.  I'm scared at times.  But its time to stop denying or ignoring bad things happen or are happening.  Its time to talk and engage people who are hurting and experiencing these real life situations.  Its also time to stop being silent.  It doesn't really matter where we all fall theologically - we certainly aren't silent on THAT.  It matters that people are hurting INSIDE the church as well as OUTSIDE.

It matters that people are struggling with depression and effects of abusive relationships (yes, it happens in the church).  It matters that people struggle with homosexuality.  It matters that people live in poverty.  It matters that racial inequality & injustice exists.  It matters that we, as Christians, divide ourselves in groups based on what WE believe about specific topics, theologically or otherwise.

I don't know the answer totally.  I don't even know what I am to do, other then to love others, get messy and try to help others.  But I do know this:

It's time to talk about taboo topics in churches and christian organizations......and to DO something about them.

On a lighter note........one more paper and I am finished with my first doctoral class!  Well, maybe that isn't a lighter note! haha

Marking our territory!

JACK is my new dog.  I've never had a small dog before, much less a male dog!  We won't go too far into that subject!  However, it is amazing how much he can hold in his little bladder so that he can spray every single pole, tree, bush, fire hydrant, etc. in a 5 block radius!

Really....is it THAT necessary to mark his territory?  In fact, it isn't his territory, but he is putting his scent everywhere he thinks he should.  I guess so that all other dogs know that he was there.  What an interesting tactic.  I wonder if its to keep other dogs away from what he thinks is his.

I wonder how often WE "mark our territory" with opinions, beliefs and things that ultimately don't matter in light of eternity.  We fight over interpretations, different beliefs that don't make a difference as to whether we will spend eternity in heaven or not.  We are dogmatic, stick to our guns and often use scripture to "prove" our points.  Don't get me wrong, there are lots of scripture that are very clear on a lot of issues.  But where there is not, we huddle in our groups, mark our territory and don't fellowship with those who don't agree with us.  Often when we do this, we leave our smell on people and they are turned off by it.

What is the answer?  My simplistic mind says to love God and love others.  Its not easy.  Drop the theological fights that don't matter and come together for a common goal:  loving others and bringing them to Jesus.  They don't come when they see us fighting.

Back to JACK ... he has small dog syndrome.  He thinks he's big stuff, barks light crazy at all dogs and people from my window.  He doesn't back down.  Maybe its time he does ...

Faith, Hope & Love

No, I am not getting this tattoo, however cool it is!  All my friends can relax now : )

FAITH- I have questioned where God is.  I have questioned why He would allow my mom's life to end the way it did.  I have questioned why He would allow my friends to be hurt, wrongly accused and their lives to be up-rooted.  I have questioned why I have had to suffer so much physically.  I have questioned why ALL the pain and difficulty in a short period of time.

While circumstances have caused my faith to waver at times and question God, it has not been severed.

HOPE - a few years ago it seemed as if life began to pile struggle after struggle on my head, finally culminating in my admission of needing help.  Every anchor in my life was disrupted and it has altered my life.  There were times when I felt like hope was a distant memory.  In those times I clung to the truths I knew would anchor me from God's Word.  That He will never leave me, that He loves me, that He is my Rock.  That hope is anchored in the Cross.

While circumstances caused my hope to dim, it was never severed.

LOVE - in the midst of these trials, my head has not doubted the Lord's love for me.  Because of the simple fact that he died for me and because of that, I can spend eternity, undeservingly, with him in Heaven.  

The love of family and friends is a security that I am not sure I could live without.  God should be enough but He also created us to be relational beings.  There have been a few of these friends, who are like family, that have walked difficult and fun moments with me.  We have shared each others hurts and rejoiced in each others victories.

While circumstances have changed "doing life together", either by death or location, it has not severed that love.  Because it is grounded in Jesus.

"And now these three remain:  faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

Growing up the "coach's daughter"

One of the reasons I went into the profession that I have is because of my dad.  There are both negative and positives growing up the way I did.  EVERYONE knew who you were.  EVERYONE knew what you did.  EVERYONE had certain expectations of you.  EVERYONE had access to my mom and dad.

When I was younger, I didn't know any different.  Our house was always full of people, whether it was missionaries or people visiting BBC, or more often then not, my dad's players.  (by the way, that clearly didn't come in handy in the dating world, as I am still single!) My dad traveled almost all summer with the Defender 5, a group of basketball players who used sport as a ministry.  Sometimes our family went with them, but more then not, we didn't.  And as anyone growing up with a parent who coached, you know what the season is like!  But this was our life and it impacted me a lot.

I watched my mom serve, cook for all the boys, take care of us three kids while dad was gone, go to my games, go back to school and all of the other countless things she did to minister to others.  To be honest, there were times when I didn't like the fact that dad was gone so much.  I wanted him at MY games.  But I watched him use sport as a ministry and that also became my passion.  I knew in middle school that I wanted to do something similar.  I saw the lives that were encouraged and impacted by what he did.

Now that I am older and watch "his guys" from afar, often times on Facebook, I am thankful for a mom and dad who followed the path God had for them.  Sure, other people influenced these men and women, but I am blessed by hearing how my dad played a part in their lives.

My 80's college reunion is happening this weekend.  I will miss the big party, but hopefully can see some friends over the weekend.  But as I am watching some of these guys come back and go see dad and write such kind words about him, it makes all those times when he was gone or at a game, worth it.  It also is a reminder to me to thank those who influenced me (or tried to!) as I was in college and afterwards.

So thanks to all my "big brothers" who have stopped by to say hi to dad or have written kind notes.  I will make sure he sees them.

It was a SHARP marking pen!

Today I went for an MRI for my hip, as well as an injection, to help diagnose what exactly is wrong and what we need to do to fix it.  I am pretty claustrophobic and did not look forward to another closed MRI experience.  I usually take some drugs to help with the potential panic attacks that might occur.  But, alas, I did great!  No sweating, no images of being enclosed and trapped in a machine that will continue to close its walls around me, and no hyperventilating.

That may have been because I had a warm blanket, earplugs, headphones with country music playing and a wash cloth covering my eyes.  Not to mention the tech lady checking in every few minutes.  Or, we can chalk it up to the prayers and pleadings on my behalf to the Lord.

Now to the headline of this post ...

I am then ushered into a small, operating-type room where I have to have an injection while using the ex-ray machine.  This is so that the doc can make sure he gets the needle/tube into the right spot in my hip and release the medication.  Of course, being my sometimes funny self, I am joking around with the doc and nurses.  30 second time-out here:  my friend who drove me (more on that later) said she could hear me laughing when they opened the door to the hallway!

They prep my skin and all of a sudden I twitch and tighten up thinking he had stuck a needle in me to numb the area.  Yeah......that was just the marker marking the spot where the needle needed to go in! I insist, as they are all laughing, that it was a really sharp pointed marker and that maybe they needed to get a softer one for the next person.  The doctor clearly acknowledged his need to warn me next time anything touched my skin.

I live through the experience, leave my new friends and head out to the waiting room.  By this time I am starving and in great need of coffee, so we head out to breakfast before heading home.  I didn't understand why I couldn't have driven myself, although I admit that the company was nice to have.

After a few minutes I figure it out ...  my entire thigh from hip to top of knee is numb!  I guess they figure it wouldn't be a good idea if people drove in that condition.

So all in all, I lived through the experience with minimal discomfort.  That is until the numbing wears off!

Oh, and my dog JACK likes sweet tea.  How could I know that while resting outside and recovering from my rough morning that he would start drinking out of me glass of tea?  Good thing he didn't leave any backwash.

Do as I say, not ...

So I tell my students in our social media course, for sport, that they have to blog on a regular basis in order to draw awareness and gain a following.  As you can tell I clearly don't follow my own advice! I haven't posted in forever!  Therefore my "following" is slim!

I could say its because nothing has happened lately for me to write about; or that I'm busy writing my own papers that I don't have time; or that I have such a busy social life that I'm preoccupied!  But alas, I just haven't taken the time to write.

Most of you on FB have already seen this video, so no need to watch again.  I am just following another piece of advice to my students and that is that people want pictures and videos!  Most do not want to read the long ramblings of us "wanna-be-writers"!  But if I throw up a pic or video of me making fun of my dog, etc.  you will read!  Or so statistics say.

"JACK" is my new dog and he is small, somewhat "barky" dog who on occasion obsessively bites at things he "sees" in the air.  He may be a candidate for the Dog Whisperer.  Jack's previous owners sent me his "winter clothes".  I have sworn I will NEVER become THAT person who puts a sweater on my dog!  Well I had to do it just for the fun of it.  After being very sure-footed and as fast as a cheeta, Jack was pathetic in his booties!  He stumbled around, lifted his paws like he had gum on the bottom of his "shoes", and just all-around could NOT walk right.

It, of course, made me laugh hysterically!  One of those laughs where you can't breath and your stomach hurts.......I'm hoping in the process that I lost a couple of pounds.  Couldn't hurt.

However, it made me think of my own walk at times.  Physically I use to walk and run with confidence and very sure-footed, never thinking of stepping on a rock, or stumbling or running into someone. I was very stable.  Now I am VERY aware of how I step and walk.  Sometimes unsteady and always watching where I am stepping, fearful of what will happen if I trip or bump into someone.
Years and times of playing hard and abusing my body as an athlete has worn my body down. SOMETIMES I need to rely on doctors, therapists and medication to get through a day.

Spiritually I am the same way.  At times my path seems unsure, with "rocks" in my pathway.  I walk with an awareness that I'm not very steady, that I need something to grab hold of.  What I grab hold of needs to keep me, not only steady and stable, but also on the right path no matter how steep, rocky or straight it may be.  No matter how difficult life is, no matter how many heartaches or how many times I abuse my spiritual body/faith with doubts, fears, questions, anger, worries...you name it.  DAILY I need to rely on Jesus (my healer), the Holy Spirt (my therapist) and God's Word (my medication) to get through a day.  Yet sometimes I grab hold of things that aren't helpful.

Just like I don't always do what I am suppose to physically, I don't spiritually either.  I then stumble, step on things I shouldn't, take a turn in the path that isn't helpful or just plain sit down and not move. I'm working on this.....is all I can say.

Thankfully no one is videoing me in action and laughing while I stumble!  My friends see it, but keep no record and neither does Jesus.  Sorry Jack!

Garage/Moving Sales

A few thoughts and stories from this weekend .....

1.  People watching at garage sales is facinating!  More on this later.

2.  When you say a sale starts on a specific day and people come while you are setting up the night before ... After being in a car for 11 hours is ....... Annoying.

3.  They are just plain exhausting.

4.  There are "professional garage salers".  They come back multiple times and know who to go to in order to get a deal.  There is always one "week link" in the group!  Haha ... Guess whose ours was? I will never tell.

5.  I'm amazed at what people will buy.

A couple of stories:

We had a TON of quilting and sewing stuff.  Bin and bins full.  It only takes the right person.  A lady who is part of a quilting group came by and bought a LOT of stuff and was so excited, including my moms sewing table, desk, etc.  that we haven't even brought out of the house yet.  Another lady came who sews came by and bought a bunch of sewing bins .. And bins ... And, you get the point of how much my mom had!  But they were both sooo excited to get it all and we are happy that someone else can use it, and loved what my mom did.  I'm sure she is thrilled.

Francis and Francis .... Are two ladies I met early on day one.  Mother and daughter, and yes, they are both names Francis.  They came back four times over the weekend!  Hilarious!  Well they became my friends.  Come to find out, the mom use to live one street over from where I grew up.  I'm sure they love each other, but they sure picked at each other a lot!  Big Francis told me numerous times that she is a spiritual woman and how good God has been to her.  However, she doesn't mess with people who do bad things, has never fallen in 85 years, gives her granddaughters whatever they ask for, and told me what a great mom I would be!  All this while Little Francis would roll her eyes behind her mom! And tease her mercilessly. They also bought a few things on each visit.

Last one ... a lady told my brother her story.  She almost lost her house and in the process sold all of her things in it.  She ended up not losing it, but now has to re-fill it, so was going to a bunch of garage sales.  Once the story had circulated our family, discounts began.  Mom would have loved that.

We were able to donate what didn't sell, and after a few dumpster runs, everything is gone but what dad needs till the house sells.  I kept thinking how hard it must have been for him to watch this happen, but he did great, and my brother and fam and I did our best to love on him in the process.

NO, the dog is not for sale!

Surviving vs Thriving

One of my favorite moments this summer was driving back to Ohio from PA with my 11 year old nephew.  My car was packed to the gills with things from my parents home.  So Deacon had to sit in the seat with luggage at his feet.  Poor dude had no room for 8 hours!

While driving we sang along to the radio.  I noticed after awhile that he knew every Christian song that came on.  He says, "well Aunt Lori, I DO listen to music", when I asked him how he knew all of them.  After a conversation of country music, which he had very astute observations about, we went back to singing worship songs.

Singing loud and not caring, I belted out a few lines of the song about how we were made to thrive, not just survive.  Well, I thought it was,  "we were made to FLY" and so I sang that loud and proud!  Being his ever so kind and gracious self, Deacon corrected me .... After, of course laughing at me!  "I think it's suppose to be thrive Aunt Lo".  We had a good laugh, decided thrive and fly were similar and kept on singing.

Which brings me to my blogging point though.  I have been thinking a lot now about surviving vs thriving and what that looks like, especially after difficult times.  I've mentioned a few times about what a very difficult time the last 2 years now have been.  While still working through the "tunnel", I at least see the light at the end now.  It has been a time of surviving a day at a time.

One of the definitions of survive is:  to continue to exist.  At times, all we CAN do, is exist.  Life has thrown us/me some "breaking balls" (instead of curve balls!) - yes, my sport analogy, and I have struck out a lot lately.  Sometimes it's all we can do to get up each day and just survive until,we can go to bed and shut it all out ... Only to begin again the next day.  However, somehow the fact that we get up the next day is victory in itself.  God, in his graciousness and often without us acknowledging it at the time, gives us the strength we need for each day.  But after while surviving isn't enough.  It'
s sad, lonely and unfulfilling.    God wants us to thrive ...

To thrive is to grow or flourish ... Succeed, often in spite of circumstances.  To progress or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances.  During these times we are to grow.  Apart from the grace of God and the love and support of friends, I don't know how we do that.  Often I don't even see the growth but have to rely on those friends walking with me, to point it out, until I can see through the darkness myself.

So what is the goal that I am to be progressing towards? Become more like Jesus ... Love him more ... Love others more ... depend, trust and have faith in God ... I'm sure there are more.  In the midst of losing my mom, back surgery, changes in work setting, walking through difficult times with a friend, packing a house full of memories ... Etc.  I'd like to think I am finally starting to thrive some.

Or maybe even FLY eventually!

Definition of a home

The definition of "home", is "one's place of residence, the social unit formed by a family living together, a familiar or usual setting, focus of one's domestic attention;  also a place where you are comfortable or relaxed".

The definition of "house", is "a building that serves as living quarters for a family, a building in which something is housed, a shelter or refuge for wild animals".

I have been thinking a lot about "home" this summer.  I have lived in so many places over the years that it seems like all of those places can't be called home.  Until coming to Ohio, whenever I said I was going home, it referred to where I grew up, where my parents house now is, in PA.  Most of those other places, according to the definitions above, were just "houses"... A place where I lived at the time.

That home in PA is where all of those family memories are/were ... There was always a sense of security in the fact that I could always go "home".  Now that mom has passed away, it has no longer felt like home.  It's just been a place where dad lives for now.  It has felt more like a "house".  As we packed up the house this summer I had this panicked thought of, "I no longer have a home to go to".  Well that's really not true.

Sure, we make our houses, homes, by decorating them, doing life, making memories, socializing, etc.  but they are still just houses.  Homes are places where we feel relaxed, safe and comfortable, where our friends and family are.  What makes our houses "homes"?

Family
Friends
A familiar place
Where we feel safe
Where we can relax and be ourselves

Home is people, houses are memories.

Things I learned packing my rent's house.

A lot of us are reaching that age where we are becoming the "adults" to our parents.  This trip "home" to PA reflected that as my brother and I took charge of packing and making decisions regarding my parents house and home of 56 plus years.  All 3 of the siblings were there, along with my SIL.  I experienced a lot of emotions and learned a few things as well.

1.  I never knew your appendages could swell that much from being on your feet so much.
2.  It's really not a good idea to feed a dog, cat food. (Don't ask!)
3.  I took two showers a day, and to be honest, could have probably done with a third.
4.  Never thought I'd see the day when my brother would love a dog the size of my dogs head!  However, I did fall in love with the little thing.
5.  It's hard to have one person lead when the majority of us are A type people and people in leadership positions in our respective jobs!  We made it work!
6.  I had NO idea that we could actually pack up 85% of their house in 5 days!
7.  I have never seen (and don't WANT to see) that many Precious Moments in my life!
8.  My mom has a TON of "artsy" stuff!  Any color thread you need, she had!
9.  It's hard to throw away things you know your mom made.
10.  I am sure it was really hard for my dad to watch us do what we did and let us lead.  He showed a lot of trust and grace.
11.  A house is just a building, but it was hard to walk away.
12.  Family and close friends are all you have...treasure them.  Work through the hard times, communicate and love.
13.  Stuff is just stuff.  Don't get me wrong, I took a lot of "stuff" to remember our life there and my mom.  But ultimately it really doesn't matter.
14.  I hate driving.
15.  We all need to downsize.
16.  Rest areas are creepy.
17.  I have great respect for my younger brother who showed such wisdom, grace and compassion in leading my dad through the week, and who will be care giving along with his family.
18.  I am thankful for an older brother who is currently living with dad to help him.
19.  I'm pretty sure every part of my body hurt, including my fingernails, if that's possible!
20.  I never want to do that again!  But, for my family, I will do anything.

While I haven't taken the time yet to really process this past week, it falls in my top 5 list of toughest times.  Getting older stinks!  It does make me realize how precious time is, how much I love my family and close friends, and how God's grace is sufficient.  Well, I'm still learning that one.

Road Trip Musings ...

I'm in my hometown this week beginning the process of packing up my parents house, as we are moving my dad to live with my brother and his family....a blog for another day.  But as I drove I had a few thoughts.

1.  This drive is long and boring by yourself ..... it gives someone like me too much time on hand to think! Although the good part is that I also had plenty of time to prepare for what lies ahead.

2.  Driving across PA is absolutely beautiful.  I would attach a picture, but I am still learning the whole blogging thing and can't figure out how to do that easily!  It's a very hilly and mountainess drive.

3.  Rest stops are freaky places!  I really don't care for them much, especially at night.  Speaking of rest areas....

4.  I became THAT person yesterday.  Yep, I walked out after using said facility and on my to my car I see my shadow.  Only it has something that I don't recognize attached.  As I look closer....you guessed it!  I had a long piece of toilet paper hanging out from my shorts!  Oh well ... I will never see those people again.  I now do the "toilet paper double check" before leaving the stall!

5.  PA is notorious for its construction.  I've been going back there for 25 years now and there is ALWAYS construction going on.  On this trip, however, I saw a lot of signs and pylons. Not much constructing was going on, however.  No wonder it's still going on after 25 years.

That's all I have for this round.  Back to packing ...

Rules are made to be ...

... Most of my friends probably expect me to say: BROKEN .... And, well ... They'd probably be right, given my life of hating rules.  But in reality, as I've grown older, I realize some rules are better off kept!

For example, the speed limit.  I don't, for the life of me, understand a 55 limit.  I feel like I could bike faster then that.  But given my recent deluge of tickets, it's best for me to follow that particular rule.

Making my bed in college was one I never understood!  Who cares if I made my bed or not!  When I knew I was coming back from class to take nap before practice, why bother making my bed!  I was just going to in-make it and to me...THAT was a waste of my time.  The list of music I could and couldn't listen to ... Oh MYLANTA!  A rule to be broken for sure!  I certainly bristled when it came to rules.  I didn't like someone telling me what I could and couldn't do.  I didn't like the list of dos and dont's when it came to the Christian life either.  As if following the "rules" would somehow make me more spiritual.  So, I continue to break some and keep some.

Some "rules", I like to think of them as guidelines, are for my benefit ... both in life and in my walk with Jesus.  But the one I chose to obey today was my doctor's (both of them) order of not driving more then 5 hours and stopping and getting out of the car every two.  As I started the drive to PA I knew I wouldn't WANT to stop.  One, I'm cheap (frugal) and didn't want to pay for a hotel, but also because I just want to keep going and get where I need to!

Three hours into the drive I knew WHY my docs told me this!  I knew they would be right, but I also saw myself as some exception to the rule! LOL ... I'm sure that doesn't surprise my friends!  My back and hip was killing me and I was stiff as a board when I got out of the car!  So here I am relaxing in a hotel, in the middle of nowhere, listening to all the noises and trying not to freaked out by them.  But my back feels a lot better!

My conclusion?:  rules for rules sake = stupid
                             Some rules just SCREAM to be broken ... If I must!
                             Some we should obey to both save us from the consequences ... And heartache

When we follow a man and not God...

I don't usually write about, nor post on FB or Twitter on controversial subjects.  Believe me I often want to!  I have waited awhile to see if the "urge" would pass, but last night got the best of me.  I'm also not real worried, as most people don't read my posts! Lol

We don't expect horrible things to happen in our neatly packed thinking, churches and organizations.  But they do....and when they do, we often respond with such surprise, denial and even anger ... Often anger at the wrong things or people.  I, like a lot of people, have been reading about the sexual abuse and inappropriate behavior that has taken place in such organizations (ABWE, New Tribes, Bill Gothard, BJU, etc).  What has shocked me the most is the denial that such "good people" would do such horrific things.  Not just the denial, but the outrage at those bringing the allegations, as if somehow THEY are the ones who did something wrong.  The ignorance in comments about how all the good these people and organizations have done will be somehow be ruined when "it comes out", or how it will ruin the perpetrator, or how God's work will stop, is unreal to me ...

All of these kinds of responses, I believe, is a result of blind, singleminded devotion, loyalty and following of a person and/or organization.....instead of solely on Jesus.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in and am loyal to people and organizations.  But when we do it so blindly that we deny sin that is so blatantly starring us in the face, then something is out of wack.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about loyalty and what that looks like or what it should look like.  I don't have all the answers, but I do know what it should not look like.  All of us are in danger of allowing satan to get a stronghold in our lives and in the lives of those we respect.  We can't be blind to that.

It's time to get our heads out of the sand...it HAS happened and because we still live in a sinful world, it is STILL happening.  Abuse of all kinds is horrible and most people don't want to believe that Christians are involved in it, that somehow it's a sin that we are immune to.  It's not.

By the way, God's work doesn't stop because we sin.  If he did, then nothing spiritual would ever happen, because we all sin.  God doesn't need us to protect his name.  We do enough to hurt it.

On a positive note!  God forgives and redeems! He chooses to use me/us to do HIS work and that is a huge responsibility.  He forgives me everyday when I sin, whether it's selfishness, pride, etc.  but there  are also consequences to sin.  I'll leave it there ...

Attics

I see myself as a pretty ... well ... Hearty woman.  I like to camp, hike and enjoy the rugged outdoors. I love to work on landscaping and cutting my grass ... When I was allowed to!  But there are a few outdoor animals that I do not like.  Spiders, for example.  Now that could be because of a bad childhood experience.  Or the fact that I was teased mercilessly in 5th grade with pictures of spiders when my "friends" found out that I didn't like them.  I think today that could be a form of bullying!

Snakes are another one I don't like ... Or cockroaches ... But fear of the unknown animal is the worst. So as I lay in bed tonight, playing on my iPad and I hear this rustling and scratchy movement above my head, I suddenly had the urge to bail from the bedroom and hit the couch!  The attic entrance is quite literally above my head and I had this fear of some animal falling on my face in the middle of the night!

I have no cleaver or witty life application of unknown fear....probably because it is almost 2 am.  But just the clear, cold fact that I am now sleeping on the couch tonight.  So to the animal lurking above me....I hope you end up as a part of the food chain SOON!

Things we can learn from puppies

I have chosen to volunteer at our local 4PAWS For Ability this summer ... Specifically with the "puppy house".  There is really nothing like playing with puppies to quiet the spirit and put a smile on your face!  🐶😀.  So twice a week I go for a few hours each day.

My observations for today, as I watched them interact ...

1.  Even puppies need community ... Litters of pups can't be mixed until they have had all of their shots, so while I am playing with one litter another litter is in a "cage" in the same room.  I noticed that after they would run around and play, when they settled down they would all end up cuddled together in a corner of the pen.  They needed to be near each other.  While I am not suggesting we humans cuddle in a corner together, the point is obvious:  we need each other.

2.  Puppies need the occasional "pat on the head" or puppy cuddle ... As I was playing with the pups, they would run around the room, play with their toys and fight with each other.  But every so often they would drop what they were doing and run over to me, wanting a ruffling of their head, a pat or encouraging word ... As if that extra encouragement gives them the confidence to go "back out there".  Off they go.  Who needs an encouraging word from you/me today?  Instead of thinking about myself and what I need, I need to be aware of those around me.

3.  They want what each other has ... This is not exactly a positive one! LOL, but true of dogs and people, none-the-less.  Each dog had the same type of rope they were playing with, however they would drop theirs and go after what the other one had.  Funny to watch for sure!  I have to fight against the same thing, whether it's wanting what someone else has or wishing my life was like someone else's.

4.  They have the occasional "mess" and even walk right through it! ..... And of course they poop or pee at will wherever they are, and most of the time walk in it!  Then come over and crawl over me, getting their mess on me!  In some cases we need each other to walk through our "messes" with us and those are the "good" experiences.  Other times we make a "bad" mess and get it, and the stink of
it, on others.

All.I.Got.

Tornados

So I consider myself a pretty brave person ... Until it comes to tornados, that is.  As I sit down here in my basement listening to the second siren of the night.  The first one came as I was out walking Skylar.  I'm looking at all the crumbling brick and old wood down here and think I'd be better off in my bathtub!!  The good news is that it shouldn't be to hard to dig me out with such soft brick.  It literally is falling off the insides of this basement!

I should clarify that this is not a comfy finished basement ... It's a dark, cold and musty cellar!  The good news:  I get GREAT internet connection down here.  I am a little bit amazed though as I peak out once in awhile to see what's going on, only to see people outside and read about people not going to their shelters.  It reminds me of how often I ignore "warnings" from The Holy Spirit and just think, oh, nothing is going to happen to me; this won't affect me; I don't REALLY have to protect myself. It only takes one "tornado" to catch me off guard.  Be on guard, watch and listen to, and for, those warnings.

All this to say, I hate tornados and warnings and I hate living by myself when they come!  Skylar isn't much help as I can't get her down here with me!  And by the way, it did touch down here near Cedarville.  A couple of houses/farms outside of town were hit.  Praise The Lord that it didn't come through town.  But also praying those families are ok.

My mom and I

My mom is my hero ... If you knew how we were as I was growing up, you'd be surprised by this statement.  Not because I didn't love my mom, but because we were so different and we expressed ourselves very differently.  I came to realize years later that my mom wasn't disappointed in me because I was a "tomboy", or because I never learned how to sew or cook, etc.  She just wished we were closer growing up, as did I, and I regret not trying harder.  But like in anything, dwelling on regrets only hurts us and keeps us "stuck".

It is days like today though, that I think about my mom a lot and miss her a lot.  We grew a lot closer in the last five or so years, ironically, when she was losing her ability to talk and remember conversations after we had them.  There are two conversations I will NEVER forget ...

As I helped her into bed one night, I tucked her in and she grabbed my face with her hands and told me what a blessing I was to her.  I think it was because of my attempt to do her nails during this particular visit!  I laid on the bed with her until she fell asleep, and thought how many times must she have done that for me as a child.

The other conversation was similar.  I got her into her chair and she took my face, again into her shaking hands, and told me I was her hero.  I thought to myself why in the world would she think that.  I will never know ... But I said, no mom, you are MY hero.  Why?

1.  She mothered three kids whom she did not give birth to.
2.  She raised them, often by herself, as my dad was involved in the ministry God had for our family.
3.  She made our house a home on very little money.  We never wanted for anything. Every birthday was a BIG deal.
4.  She went back to finish college and earn two master's degrees once we all were in high school and beyond.  She would go to school, take care of us, making sure we always had dinner together, went to our games, often after her classes.  I don't know how she did it.
5.  She always put so much time and thought into gifts for us all the way up until she could no longer make anything with her hands.
6.  She battled two ugly diseases with dignity and humor, without complaining.  I'm sure she had her moments, which she was allowed to have, but I never heard her complain.

There are more to this list ... But ... SHE is MY hero ...

Food Coma

So tonight I had my first experience at The Melting Pot, a fondu eating experience.  Now I LOOOOOOVE food!  And for the most part, I like trying new foods.  This was also my first time where eating a 4 course meal took 2 1/2 hours!
First course:  cheese!  A staple in the diary category ... Two kinds with "secret" ingredients!

Second course:  your basic salad ... And no, there was no dipping.

Third course:  chicken and filet ... Dipped and cooked in two kinds of cooking broth.  Not to mention the broccoli & potatoes.

Fourth course ... And most defiantly my favorite!  Was the dessert:  cookies and cream dipping sauce, with dark chocolate and marshmallow cream ... Dippers:  you name it!  Fruit, brownies, etc.

My observations:

1.  If you don't like sharing your food, don't go here!  It's not about the dipping part, it's about wanting all the dessert and not wanting to share!

2.  Not a good place for a first date.  No, I didn't ... the reason?  You can't escape quickly if your date isn't going well!

3.  Wear pants that have a stretchy waistband, you'll need it.

4.  Be prepared, at some point, to literally hit the wall and want to sleep.  As I write this, I am already in bed.

5.  Go with people you really like because you will be there for a long time and will have to talk at some point.  You can only stare across the table in silence for so long!

Good experience ... With good friends ... Good night

Summer Routine

While summer has just started for me, I have settled into a early morning routine.  It consists of eating breakfast, drinking coffee and walking Skylar, drinking coffee .... And, that's about it so far.  I have a goal of losing some weight I have gained due to back problems.  Now walking Skylar is like walking a spastic animal who can't decide which side of the road she wants to sniff.

She stops ... Starts ... Sniffs ... Goes to the right ... Goes to the left ... Goes behind me ... Pushes ahead of me ( which is the only thing I like about our time together! ) ... Stops ... Sniffs ... Refuses to be hurried along in her sniffing ... You get the picture!

It ABSOLUTELY drive me NUTS!!  I get inpatient, occasionally yell ya her to "keep it moving" (like she really understands that).  I have a goal in mind, see the trail I need to be on, and see the end.  I also see some pitfalls for her.  Like the car coming, as she attempts to cross to the other side, AGAIN. Or the tall, wet grass where she could get ticks.  I also try to balance her need for sniffing and the euphoria she gets from this experience.  Scents are to dogs, like chocolate is to humans ... Or so they tell me.  But my word!  How many times do you have to smell the SAME pole, or tree, or bush!!?

Pause ... My other pup, Chloe, was the BEST exercise dog!  She stayed ahead of me, knew where we were going, and always pulled when we headed home ... Where undoubtedly, she felt safe.

It then occurred to me that Jesus must feel the same way with me sometimes.  He set me on a path, with a goal in mind.  He sees the end, He sees the pitfalls I should avoid.  I, however, go to the right, to the left, stay behind, forge ahead of my own doing, or sometimes just enjoy a season that is good and don't want to leave it.  I wondered if sometimes Jesus is just saying, " come ON Lori! "

So, maybe I should be more patient with Skylar!

Saturday...

To be honest, I have never given much thought about the day between Jesus' death and resurrection before.  Today I have read a number of posts about that day; how the Bible is silent regarding it; how must the disciples have felt; how it was a day of preparation.  Then the application of it for us today in those times of darkness, sadness, wondering, waiting and the questions we want answers to.  I imagine the disciples in utter shock, stunned, weeping, scared.

We all have had, are having, or will have those times in our lives.  They may last a short time or a long time.  The difference is, we KNOW the end....the ultimate end.  Because JESUS died for my sin and rose again, not only do I have the gift of salvation and my ultimate end is sure, secure and guaranteed, my sins forgiven....but in THIS life I have hope.  God didn't just choose me so that I can spend eternity with Him.  He also has a plan for now, to use me now, in this world, however temporary, to bring Glory to Him.  EVERYTHING that happens to me here on earth is part of that plan and is part of preparation.  That's not always comforting to me, especially right now when I seem to be in a very long "Saturday".  I want to know the plan.  But I am told to "be still".... To believe .... To have faith ... To love The Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind and to love others the same.

So maybe in those Saturdays, when I/we want to give up, I need to go back to the cross remembering what God did FOR me.  That there is nothing I am or will experience that He doesn't understand.  That He loves me ... And that my Sunday will come.  In the meantime?  I will work on loving God and loving others, and being faithful where He has me now.

Giving it a try!

I've decided to start a blog....I know....everyone is doing it.  I'm not a techy so I am not sure where this will end up out there in cyber space!  Guess we will find out!  Don't expect daily posts, as I don't have the time right now, nor do I have that much to say!  When the spirit leads, something hits me or when God is teaching me something, I will try and blog about it.

Here we go ...