Vice

Miami Vice comes to mind when I see this picture. You know, the show from the 80's with Don Johnson in his white suits and open shirt to his naval!  Yeah, you remember! Well, that's not who I am referring to with this post. I am referring to the things we use to hold ourselves together, so to speak. 

This kind of vice. Something with two ends, when squeezed together it holds something in place, something together, until on it's own it can stand alone.

We all have them. Things we use to keep us together during tough times. Things to hold us together while we heal or can stand on our own. Things we do to make ourselves feel better. Here's a few:

Eating
Drinking
Shopping
Sex
Drugs
Gambling 
Cleaning
Perfectionism 

The list can go on ..... what is yours?

Mine is shopping. "Retail therapy" as we call it. I'm not talking about buying things for family or friends. Giving gifts is one of my love languages. I'm not even talking about things I need. I'm talking about suddenly seeing something being advertised that I NEED! Or that's cool, or fun looking, or ... you name it, I'll find a reason to get it. There are a few times when it has gotten me into financial difficulty, where I had to ask for some accountability. 

I shop and buy things because it makes me feel good. But here's the thing:  it's temporary. I have to buy again to get that same feeling. Like drugs, you have to keep taking it to feel good and at some point you become immune so you have to take more. My shopping is not THAT bad :) However, you get my point. It's a good thing I now live in an apartment and not a house! I really don't have the room for anything else. Ha Ha

My newest attempt at trying to feel better ... online dating site. In a vulnerable moment I decided to try it. Now for those of you who have done it, have friends who have met their spouse that way, I am all good with that and not saying it's a bad thing.  It's just not for me. Not the way I want to find someone - if God has that for me again.

The issue is, why did I do it. Quite frankly, and I am not proud of it, but I needed to see if anyone would be interested. When you go through a divorce it plays with you in lots of ways and it has played with my confidence some. So the "smiles" and "likes" made me feel good. For awhile anyway.  After a few days, I couldn't do it anymore and stopped. Here's the thing: their smiles and likes are based on a photo and some words I wrote. That's it. They don't know me and who I really am. Anyone can say anything and can look like you match based on how you both answered questions. My point is it gives you a false sense of confidence.

It pushes me back to Jesus. At least I am trying to let it. God is the only one who can give me confidence, security, joy, etc. He never breaks HIS promises. He loves me for who I am - good thing because He created me to be who I am. He loves me for who He sees I can be, in Him, through Him and for Him.

This is where community comes in as well. But we don't like to ask for help because it means being vulnerable. Telling someone our vice. Admitting we can't do something alone. Admitting we need help. While I am careful with whom I ask, I am not above asking for that kind of community anymore. I need it. We need it. So if you have a vice you need to deal with, ask for help. Ask for accountability. But most importantly, look to Jesus. 

The "My Pillow" ... best thing I have ever bought! Seriously. 
The "Body Pillow" ... worst thing I've ever bought! Not that it isn't good, but it is not like the picture they show on TV. It's not the same size. It's not as fluffy, and it doesn't make me feel like I am being cuddled by a pillow!