What Then.....

Today is a day of a myriad of emotions. I went to see my dad for the first time in his new place of residence, being cared for by others. I wanted to throw up after I left. Of course he didn't greet us or know who we were. You could tell he understood that he should know my brother and called him his godly friend.

They seem like good people there and are taking good care of him. After almost 4 years of being cared for by my brother and his family, this was the next step in caring for our dad. In a lot of ways it has lifted a burden and yet when you say goodbye and leave him there, you don't feel very good about it.

As we left, our conversation went something like this...

Every life has value. Every life has a purpose. But what then ...... when all there is left, is sleeping, eating, sitting watching TV and not having any conversation, not knowing even your family and not having any memories of your life. What then?

Dad spent his entire life investing in others. He knew and remembered everybody it seemed. He could tell you where you were in the highway based on the mile marker. That's insane. He could tell you every detail of meeting, and eventually, marrying my mom. Now he can't tell you what he had for lunch, or whether he ate at all.

It makes you think of life, and what is important. But it also makes you question a Sovereign God. Don't judge me....we all do it. Is this all there is at the end? Some clothes, a room, no memories, no purpose when you wake up in the morning. Then just let him die and go see Jesus and mom. Why let him sit like this....how long do we have to watch this? Why couldn't you have let mom and dad live out their remaining years enjoying their grandchildren? Do what they loved to do...travel, missions...watch the kids play sports.

We don't know how to define how life has value in a case like this. Other than to say that it is sanctifying us as a family. Showing our kids (my nephews and niece) what it is like to make sacrifices in order to take care of our aging parents. Putting other things on hold during these years. Making the trip multiple times a week to spend an hour with a parent who won't know whether you are there or not. Why? Because it matters.

Hard things that our finite minds can't understand, so our only good option is to trust in the One who gives us life and who will one day return and all these questions will be answered. Or we just won't care anymore .......

On another note - I met a lady named Carol today, who seems to "like" my dad. They were sitting on a love seat together with her arm intertwined in his and leaning into each other. Now I know they both aren't aware of anything. And quite frankly, my dad is has no clue about her. But I didn't like it. Thankfully Chad (a worker) made her get up so we could sit next to him.

Really?  😐